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If you were adopting and the birth father contested, would you fight him?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (15)
  • Wow. What a horrible story. I feel so badly for this little boy. I feel bad for the birthparents and I feel bad for the adoptive parents. I can't imagine how horrible this must have been for everyone.
    Would I go ahead with an adoption the birthfather was contesting? Well, depends on if he's legally contesting or if he shows any interest in the baby. If he's been out of the mom's life for the entire pregnancy and isn't making any legal moves - then yes, I'd proceed. But if he showed the slightest interest I'd be too scared to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Not if he was capable and willing. The article seems to indicate that he was never notified or given opportunity to give his point of view. And that soon, very soon after the mother relinquished he was on the scene doing everything to object and raise his son.

    To go through with an adoption when there are capable and willing biological parents just isn't ethical or moral. What would you tell the child when/if he or she reunited with these parents and found out the story? It's heart breaking for all involved - but it's not right if these facts are true to knowingly cut off a capable and willing parent from their child.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 12:52 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • This is an issue that is very puzzling to me. If one or more of a child's parents wants to raise their child, why on earth would potential adoptive parents ever feel that it was right to fight the biological parents for custody? I just cannot fathom how adoptive parents can morally justifiy doing that.

    Maybe they justify fighting because THEY believe that they will be better parents? But, still......

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:45 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • As a adoptive mother..I would not fight the birthfather...He has every right to raise his child.

    Answer by Dannee at 9:54 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I would not fight a birthfather in court for a child. I would not go through 5 years of court battles over a child.
    How does an adoptive parent who goes through a battle tell their child about their birthparents? Also how will that child feel when they are 18 and the biological family finds them and they will.

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 9:58 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Wow, that is a horrible story - I can't imagine what that child went through bouncing between people and trying to figure out "who" his parents were. The story doesn't give a lot of detail so its hard for any of us to know the whole story. But here is my take.... As a PAP, it would feel unethical to me from the get-go, as it appears the father was against adoption from the very beginning and wanted to retain his parental rights. That right there should have been enough to end it rather than dragging this out and causing heartache for all involved - especially this poor little boy. Five years is a long time to be in limbo! It saddens me to see adoptive parents behave in manners such as these, and hope I can behave better when/if my time arrives!

    Answer by muptgirl at 10:16 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • FYI I did look into this case a little more. The father denied paternity initially, it was a month after the child was born and already with the prospective adoptive parents that DNA testing revealed he was the father and then he sought to regain legal custody. It doesn't change my feelings above, but certaintly adds another level of complexity to this very sad situation.

    Answer by muptgirl at 10:30 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Nope. Brysons birthfather is in prison and I told his mother "if he won't sign, we are not fighting him." Now, he does have things on his record that would obviously be VERY easy to get them involuntarily terminated, but we just couldn't do it.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 1:06 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • But he did sign and everything and actually we write him often and he does get pictures of his son.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 1:06 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I think for too long birthfathers have been left out of this (and I know there are some rotton men out there but not all of them are). Actually fathers in general sometimes get the back seat in the adoption process on both sides. Even when we as birth moms or adoptive moms have them fully participating (and sometimes leading) society still kind of encourages us as women to discount their involvement - or to consider that we as women have a higher importance when it comes to parenting. I'm curious, adoptive moms do you ever feel like you have to remind agencies, lawyers, etc. in this journey that your husband/SO is just as much in the game as you are?

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 4:13 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

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