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I need alittle friendly advice

I was 17 fell in love and had a baby,as soon as i got pregnant we started to have lots of problem -- well make a long story short i left him and i never seen him again and i fell in love with someone that accepted my daughter as his ,sence she was 5 months(today shes 8 yrs old) and i m still with him , now perternal daddy want to come back ( and he new where i lived his aunt raised me ) My daughter does not know that daddy isnt really her real father ( i know) . Now i want to tell and i will , but i just had another baby ( she s scared of loosing her place) and on the other side i know whats its like to be disappointed with a real father and i dont want her hurt . i dont know when the right time is .........plz no mean comment , theres way more to the story than this .
...............how can i prepare the talking sytuation?

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smith80

Asked by smith80 at 12:43 AM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • i would have had the man who raised her adopt her! im not sure how i would go about this, but after 8 years i dont think i would let him in her life... but i guess if he doesnt relinquish his rights shes going to have to find out someday... im sorry you're in this position, what does the man who raised her think about this?
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 12:47 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • he doesnt want him there , he raised her , he changed those diapers , he went though everything with me and her , he adores her and she loves him to death , i dont either in way hes a bad alcoholic and surposed he stoped for 1 yr now but how long ?? he loved that bottle went i was with him and also hes got 5 other kids that he doesnt see
    smith80

    Answer by smith80 at 1:01 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • there is no easy way to handle this situation and i think you will just have to be honest and tell her directly. what i would do first is make sure that her bio dad is serious about being a part of her life before you tell her anything. if he isn't then she will get hurt cause it will be that he left her again. he needs to be committed 100% as long as this is what she would want as well. he better not leave her again. she will face a lot of different feelings. would he still have rights after this long to come back? although i'm not sure her not knowing the truth is the best thing for her. this really sucks. maybe you should seek professional advice first.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:03 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • personally i think if it's only been one yr clean that i would tell him come back in 2 yrs clean. most will relapse after the first yr or so. it would suck if he stared back up again after you told her.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:06 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • First knowing him he will let her down ... ok maybe not , i hope . 2 nd here in canada he has all the rights, and yes i know i have to tell her maybe i dont want to but i know i have to , she will decide what shw wants but its so hard ,its weird because i learned that my sisters father was not my father at 8 and out of the bleu last week he calls . she is such a emotional little girl i have to be very very easy . my mother always told me that anybody can be a father it takes someone special to be a dad , and that is sooo true . i just need to find the courage and a good speaking plan . thanxs i like all these comment theres always lots of options in a situation .
    smith80

    Answer by smith80 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • to be honest I wouldn't tell her and I wouldn't let him in the picture either now when she is 18 then its her choice my mom was like this with my dad and now that I am 25 I am glad she was he is a drunk and doesn't ever bother to cal me to even say hello
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 1:13 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • yeah thats what i was trying to say, make sure hes committed. thats why i wouldnt let him back because i'd be scared that he'd just leave. im not sure how i would handle this... does he have rights to your daughter? can your SO or husband adopt her?
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 1:16 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • okay i just read your last comment, would he give up his rights? otherwise hit him up for child support
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 1:18 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • yaeh i think i will tell him to wait .... step one .
    smith80

    Answer by smith80 at 1:19 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • i tryed to hit him will child surport he ran off(about 6 yrs ago) , he wouldnt give up his rights but if i can prouve that hes never been there for her , for more than 1 yr or 2 i think then it can be done.
    smith80

    Answer by smith80 at 1:21 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

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