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legal breakdown please....

Okay... I am in my last leg of pregnancy with my first child and I have been with the father of my child for 8 years off and on. He had a drug addiction previously and I sent him to an outpatient facility and did therapy with him etc, in 06-07. I just caught him doing drugs in our bathroom almost two weeks ago. I kicked him out and he is now in an inpatient rehab. I am skeptical of him staying sober.. but he really wants to be a good dad and get married. I am wondering if things don't work out between us if I put him on the birth certificate can he legally have custody or say over our baby? I am thinking of not putting him on to protect her just in case if that will shield him from her.. anyone know Va law? plz help I am a week from full term..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Whether you put him on there or not he can always ask for a paternity test to prove he is the father. He will do this IF and WHEN he really wants to be a father. Sounds like he may not be. Another thing he might think twice about is if he fights for his right to be a father he also exposes himself to having a child support order against him. If he is unemployed and on drugs he may start to blame you for his mounting problems. Drug addicts seem to have a knack for saying things like "It's all your fault" or "If you wouldn't have denied me my kid I wouldn't have gone back to drugs". Be ready and strong and don't give in to him acting like a child when you have one on the way yourself. I would put him on there and let fate take it's course. BUT PLEASE DON"T GIVE IN TO HIM SO EASILY, you have a baby to think about and don't want it exposed to drugs or drama.
    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 1:30 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Keeping him off the birth certificate does not take away his rights as the childs father. You just make it a little more difficult for him to prove he's the father. If he takes you to court and you admit that he is the father, then keeping him off the BC will only look like you were just being cruel and petty. The bottom line is, the birth cert means nothing, if you don't want him to have legal custody, just petition the court for that. The birth cert has no weight at all, it's just a piece of paper. All you have to discuss is his drug addiction. Put him on the birth certificate. It's not fair to your child to have a BC with no father on it. I always thought that sounds so bad! It looks like you didn't know who it was or something.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:39 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I agree with the first post.. My hubby was a drug addict too his drugs were meth, heroin, weed, cocaine, hash and sum other stuff im sure.. and I had to work my butt off to get him clean and cut all his friends off the he used to get drugs from and alot of his friends are now in jail and he has been clean for 2 years.. its really hard but jus kinda gotta stick in there.. but if hes a drug addict I think he would have a hard time getting custody of your daughter especially if he doesnt have a stable home for her...
    MiSs.SmOkEy

    Answer by MiSs.SmOkEy at 1:39 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I didn't expect him to go back to shooting up especially after I spent over 2,000 on his treatment & I did therapy with him to try to help. The betrayal I feel is still fresh.. I am alone and he is in rehab again.. & I had to give him 1,500 from my savings for our daughter to get him into treatment because I couldn't stand the thought of him dying from a heroin overdose. I really do want to believe he will change but I also have a child to think of now which is why I was wondering all this. I would never keep his name off the certificate to be petty, only to keep my baby from being in harms way if we split up because of his continuing drug addiction. I am honestly just scared... he is a professional liar so I cannot believe anything he is saying. Plus I am upset because I will probably end up going through labor and delivery alone because he will still be in rehab almost 6 hours away from me..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • MiSs.SmOkEy-
    I did the same I cut off all his friends that did drugs, etc.. I told them if they kept calling him I would report them to the police, etc. I have been fighting to keep him clean for so long... I quit school and everything to help him through withdrawls and take him to doctors & financially take care of him bc he was such a mess & we couldn't afford inpatient rehab..so I watched him and made sure he was okay all through the process.. he just hasn't stayed clean.. I don't want to give up because I love him so much & I want to believe people can change..but does that mean I have to do this process with him for the rest of my life? where does that leave me and my daughter?....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I think YOU want to believe people can change but you may just be enabling him. You are becoming a crutch for him while you give up YOUR dreams! He gets clean for a while, you support him financially and emotionally, he F$%^ up and there you are to pick up the mess, while you are raising a child. Please don't do this to you or your baby.
    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 2:13 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • You know, I see how much YOU'VE done to get him sober, but what has he done? He has to want it. You can pay until you're in the poor house, but if it's not something he truly wants then nothings going to change. Just walk away with your child. If this is something he wants he'll do it and he'll find you when he's sober. I know you love him, but you really have to put you and the baby first now. GL

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:11 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • With him having a history of drug use and going to rehab I think you could probably arrange to have supervised visits.

    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 9:35 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

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