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What to do about bio mom's horribble habbits?

My stepson's Mom keeps her apartment constantly looks like the city dump, she don't take care of my stepson or his new little brother. She won't work and is constantly complaining that she don't have enough money to get my stepson everything he needs, even though she gets $400 in child support just for my stepson and another $400 for my stepson's adhd. Unless i stick french fries and chicken nuggets infront of him, he will not eat. The list just goes on and on. He's almost 5 and not potty trained at all. My husband and I try, but we only have him every other weekend. He wouldn't even put the video game down to open christmas presents. We tried CYS, but they call her before they inspect her, so she cleans her act up. She put him in preschool after begging and pleading with her, but without her helping, he's not ingesting in. I don't know what to do. It hurts me to see him struggle so much when he tries so hard

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:21 AM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (11)
  • Not much advise here but those poor kids.....tell her to get her act together or you may apply for 50/ may scare her enough to do something, arent u entitled to 50/50 access anyway? I dont normally think its all so great for a child to be back and fourth like that, but in this case it would benefit this little boy, hope it changes for you, your hubby really needs to step up can't continue......

    Answer by helloistaken at 4:43 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • i would take pictures of the house and maybe the fridge and call a lawyer and maybe get him full time and then only let her get them every other wknd! i hope everything works out for you guys!!

    Answer by pinkanfgrl at 6:15 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I would invite CYS over when you have him to interview the 5 y/o.

    Answer by mrssullivan at 7:04 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I would talk to a lawyer. See what kind of evidence you need to prove she is unfit so you can get custody. I'm sure there are some child advocate lawyers that wouls work for a lower cost for you if you think you can't afford it.

    Answer by chillemi78 at 7:37 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • There isn't much they are going to do. So long as they have food in the house and have adequate food, shelter, & supervision. Don't even have to have running water in the house, so long as it is available to them somewhere. I know it sucks, the only thing you could do is go to court and get custody. And there is hope of getting full custody. Judges don't just go for the mom anymore. Just so long as you have evidence. Not being potty trained for one, not learning at school and mom not getting extra help for him is another. Have you and his dad considered getting custody of him or are you just wanting to help mom straighten up for him.

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 7:47 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • If you are just wanting mom to straighten up then there is no hope. Cause you won't be able to change her mind. And if she isn't working I would say 800 a month is hard on her. However, why hasn't she gotten a job. Iknow for me it is cheaper staying at home with kids then getting a baby sitter and paying for gas, ect.. But I also have my husband who works full time and then some. Maybe you and your dh can take her to dinner one night and talk about him and what he needs. She may be even willing to give you custody, though I doubt it cause that will take 800 a month from her. Also I would seriously think about taking him to another dr. My son is extremely hyper, and when the preschool suggested we take him to get tested for adhd the dr said no way!! I am not treating a kid this young for adhd! It is to early to detect as kids grow emotionally, and physically they change and for a kid this age it is to young to diagnose.

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 7:48 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • And I would say if he can sit in front of a tv for long periods of time he prob isn't adhd. It most likely cause no one is working with him therefore he has no attention span. I wish you luck and can help you get custody if you want to email me. Just ask, I wish you all the luck with him and hope he gets the treatment he deserves. I have been down this road and still on it. We have custody of sd. So I can offer some suggestions if you holler at me. Good Luck

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 7:48 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Have you guys thought about going for full custody and her only getting visitation? It sounds like that would be the ideal situation for this poor kid. :(

    Answer by KTMOM at 8:32 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • That is a shame, I have a son who has ADHD (althought thank God he isn't hyper) and a common problem with ADHD is Encopresis. THat is where they withhold their poop for so long that it leaks out. If he is potty trained to urinate but not a bowel movment I would bet money that this is the case.You can check out some message boards about Encopresis just to inform your self about this issue . 4 y/o is very young to have been diagnosed with ADHD.sometimes it's just a maturation process but I would keep an eye on progress or lack of it. As for his Mom I tend to feel that when someone is living like that there is derpression and maybe she is in denial over that. Good luck to you. Cathie in NJ

    Answer by BreezieNJ at 8:42 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • From another stepmama, you unfortunantly don't get a say. If we had it our way, we would have MY ss in our care always as well, as his bm isn't there at all, and she complains about money and such also. I understand where you are comming from. I have been there, unfortunantly your husband is the one who is going to have to step up for his kid, and then you just need to be the support behind him. CYS is a crapshoot, we had to call our's because our ss had bruises all over him all the time, and when they went to look at him she had her place all cleaned up, it's never been that clean since, but the bruises disappeared...hmmm? strange huh? Continued...

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 4:36 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

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