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What would you do?

What would you do if you were notified by the principal that your 10 you daughter was coerced by a 9 yo boy to show him her breasts and she did on 2 different occasions? It happened on their bus. We already talked to her about sex in the past and told her that what she did is inappropriate and what the consequences of her actions are now and would be if she continues down this path.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:57 AM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Kid's play or inappropriate? Our society is so highly sexualized that sometimes we jump to the wrong conclusion. I see four parts to this situation: First, your daughter. Please give her the tools she needs. Perhaps make it more simple......I suggest the "bathing suit" talk on personal privacy and a strong discussion on her right to refuse. Second, you mom. Please forgive me, but is there a possibility someone in her life is molesting her or behaving otherwise inappropriately? I know this is a very emotional subject; I know denial is a common and very strong response. But it happens....... Please, listen to your gut. Even a twinge suggests you need to investigate.


    Answer by DanieT at 5:00 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I would have her talk to a counselor to make sure nothing sexually inappropriate is going on in her life and that she is thinking rationally in general. I would use every teaching moment to talk about peer pressure. I would keep a close eye on her.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 7:13 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Oh what we learn on the back of a bus. Unless you are planning on picking up and taking your kid to school there isn't alot more you can do. Just talk to your daughter and tell her how little boys are and how you shouldn't show your privates to anyone else. Other than that I will assure you that won't be the worse thing she ever learns on the back of the bus. Sorry to have to say that. But it is the truth. Most teens learn more on the bus than anywhere else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Oh boy! It's starting!!! The Wonder Years!!! I'd be upset in ways too so I'd talk to her and start by asking her "why" she did it? See what her response is. She may think it was only for fun and not a big deal. That's where you step in and do the private parts talk. If you feel she did it and felt super uncomfortable, tell her to sit closer to the front of the bus and with other friends. How about asking the bus driver to have an assigned seat for the boy toward the front --explain what is happening on his/her bus as the driver is responsible for your child while on their bus, they may want to keep a closer eye on the 9 year old and his inappropriate actions.

    Answer by Squirrel1001 at 9:43 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • What was done to the boy? This is how sexual harassment/abuse starts. Don't make her feel bad for it. First of all, our body is natural and we shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of it. Also, she needs to have more instructions in how to say no to older and bigger people, especially boys! She should not be blamed by anyone esp the school for her *behavior*. If a 9 yo boy can talk her out of her shirt, what if an older more convincing male came along? She needs a very serious talk about sexuality, her body, her rights over her own body- that she doesn't have to share it if she doesn't want to. I don't mean to scare you, but this is an opportunity for a lot of learning to take place that can have a BIG impact on the rest of her (sexual) life! She can learn about shame and fear, or about love and respect- it is up to you!! Good luck

    Answer by mtnmama111 at 12:25 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Whoa, are you mad at her? Don't shame her for what she did. She needs to know that you don't do that kind of thing and why, but even if she knew better, how could she fully understand? Kids this age are barely just starting to have an inkling about their own sexuality.... It would be hard for me to believe that she was trying to be "naughty" by doing that. That little boy's parents need to be notified and they need to deal with him in the same way. The lesson here is safety, privacy, respect, and self-respect---not sex and shame. Still, you need to find a way to keep her away from that kid (and his buddies) and whether that means rearranging seating on the bus or driving her yourself, you gotta do what it takes before it gets worse.

    Answer by laadeedah at 12:28 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • part 2
    Third, the boy. He coerced her once....... so this is not kid's play. I assume the principal addressed his behavior. He coerced her a second time...........and he's still on the bus? Coersion means he "forced" her..........not he "asked" her. In adult's the difference between making love (both partners consenting) and being raped (one partner forcing the other). Let me get this right----- he forced your daughter into a sexually compromising position not once, but twice, and he is still on the bus with his victim? (Obviously, I'm having trouble accepting the school's reaction to this.) The message the school has sent to both kids is: do what you want, there's no one to protect you. A good way to raise a future rapist?

    Answer by DanieT at 5:00 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • part 3
    Fourth, the school. The school is allowing a child to coerce and harass another child on a school bus. The school is legally responble for protecting the children in its charge, including on the buses. You have every right to expect that your children will be kept safe. Knowledge of a harmful situation, ineffectual response and continuing to put a student in danger..........guess what, the school has legal liability. Doesn't matter who did what to whom or why, the school's job was to fix the situation. Think of it this way: you pay the salaries of the prinicpals and bus drivers. You elected the members of the Board of Education. They are responsible to you......................I know, I am a past vice-president of a Board of Education.

    Answer by DanieT at 5:02 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • part 4
    I would suggest a conversation with the principal, simply looking for resolution of the problem. Have in mind how you would like the matter handled: assigned seats for her, for both of them, him kicked off the bus. Be able to compromise while keeping her safe. Should the principal have difficulty assisting you, call or write your Board members. They are people just like you; they all have children. Explain the situation calmly and ask for help in keeping your daughter safe. Is it fair you have to drive your daughter to school because the school will not stop a boy from coercing and sexually harassing her? The boy is the instigator; the consequences should be his and his parent's. I wish you luck. Given your information, it shouldn't be hard to get someone to DO something. No school or Board member wants their name in the newspaper as supporting sexual harrassment and compromising a little girl's safety.

    Answer by DanieT at 5:10 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I just revisited this ? w/ my hubby, we are both almost in tears with our hearts in our throats. The boy needs some serious discussions about how to behave and control his actions. Your daughter needs to know she has power, and is not a *victim*. This is coming from someone who was titty-twisted way too many times in grade school and nothing was ever done by the adults around me... I ended up being date-raped TWICE cuz I didn't understand my power and demand respect. PLEASE stop this cycle in your dd's life! Love from CA

    Answer by mtnmama111 at 1:09 PM on Jan. 16, 2009