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I want to adopt ababy so that my daughter can have a play mate but my fiancee disagrees. He doesn't like the whole adaotion thing at all. But at the same time he wants me to have another one of my own. But I'm scared because my daughter almost died when I was giving birth to where I had to get an emergency c-section. What should i do?

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Ashleyh0388

Asked by Ashleyh0388 at 8:05 AM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (13)
  • I see a few red flags here. For one you want to adopt so your daughter can have a 'playmate". A child is not a toy. If you want to adopt because you want another child and to share your love for that child that's fine, but not because your child can have a playmate. They make play groups for that. Second, fiancee. Most adoption agencies will turn the other way if they see you are not married unless you make a huge income yourself. Third, Fiancee disagrees. Even if the adoption agency or a mom-to-be over looks the fact that you are not married, you will still have a hard time explaining to them that you want to adopt but your fiancee doesn't. Sorry, it's not going to happen. If you want another child then I would consider your fiancee's suggestion of having another baby. Talk to a high-risk pregnancy doctor to see what you need to do before you conceive.
    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:17 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Hate to say it but the first thing I noticed was the playmate statement to. You should want to adopt because you want to share your love with another child. But you can't do it without your hubby wanting to.
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 8:42 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I was also going to say something about the "playmate" comment...like the adopted child would be a secondary child, not a real child to you. Did the doctor say you shouldn't have any more children? Why not talk to the doctor about that first of all. Adoption is a wonderful option, but you need to think about it in a different way from the way you described it in your question. Maybe it was just unfortunate wording?
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:50 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I agree with JeremysMom...there are a lot of things you need to seriously think about and consider. I wouldn't even give birth to another child if your reason is for a playmate for your daughter. I'm sure that what you went through was scary beyond belief, but please take a look at your reasoning for having/adopting another life.
    Lacey1012

    Answer by Lacey1012 at 8:55 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Even if you were to have another child - it would be years before they could "play" together, they wouldn't be on the same developmental page, and there is no guarantee they would like each other. Are you best friends with your sibling? Most here, I suspect, would say no. The second concern is your SO saying he wants you to have one of your "own." So neither one of you are on the same page when it comes to how to expand your family. So schedule play-dates with other children your daughter's age who are at her developmental level.  BEFORE you actually marry your fiancee, do make sure you are on the same page about how to expand your family. Many marriages have not succeeded as a result of disagreeing about adoption or not.  And adoption can be a very long and expensive process - not the best way to start off a marriage.  Not to mention most agencies want you married for at least a year.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:07 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I think that everyone is taking the playmate comment to hard. I am sure you wanted to say that you wanted your child to have brother and sisters who will be friends and play.- Her daughter is only 16 months people!!
    If you don't want to have another child biologically then adoption can be a choice. But you are going to have to have your finacee on board with you. Adoption is a difficult process and both parents need to be supportive of all the new issues that will arise. Also, you would have to be married and some states require for a time period or adopt as a single woman
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 9:52 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Troll....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • You would never be a good adoptive parent. If you want a playmate for your daughter go to a park and find a friend for her and keep the adoptions for the people who are childless and want to do it for the right reasons, to be a parent to a child, not an owner of their daughter's pal.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Find your daughter a friend to be her playmate, then wait until you're married before deciding whether to have another child, either by birth or by adoption. BTW, many agencies will not even consider working with an unmarried couple. Not considered a stable relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • You want to adopt just so your daughter has a "playmate"?
    We're talking about a child, not a toy. If you daughter needs a playmate, adopt a puppy or go buy her a doll.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 3:29 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

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