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How do i develop a bond with my struggling

he is such a high maintenence child that it's hard for me to stop and take the time to say "wow, that's my son" because i am always stressed out. it's not a lack of love, he's my whole world, but i have a hard time really interacting with him as my own child and not feeling like im babysitting...he is 8 months old by the way :( m i a horrible mother? im worried

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Asked by connorsmommy418 at 10:08 AM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (7)
  • Do you ever get a break away from him? You sound like you're just stressed out and need some time to yourself. And not just once...but either a little bit of time ever day or even a day every week. Something. But a stressed out mommy equals a stressed out baby. They feed off our emotions, they can feel our stress.

    Answer by munch12502 at 10:12 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I agree with munch12502...take some time for yourself to unwind. If it is at all possible, at the beginning of the day would be ideal (imo) that way you have time to prepare yourself. Take a nice shower and take the time to get ready for the day. It's hard....I had the same issue with my first daughter...I ended up getting a job outside the home and that honestly helped tremendously. But that was me-I was able to do that. You may not want to or be able to...and that's okay. But you definately need time to yourself.

    Answer by Lacey1012 at 10:20 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I also have to have a job outside of the home. It's funny but it's my ME time. I stay home most of the time but I HAVE to have that outlet.

    Answer by munch12502 at 11:49 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Ditto as 12502 and Lacey1012! U seem over stressed! I dint bond with my second child for almost a ayear! annd then i realized that 1) he was high maintanence and 2) i needed a break! if u can go out once a week without him! If not just take time out each day for taking a shower quietly..put him min the swing, go for awalk with him in the stroller...that usually helpos a lot! And just don't worry! With time it'll be fine!

    Answer by jjibin at 11:52 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • i have been having the same issue with my 8 month old. all he wants to do is run around but he hasnt realized that he cant walk haha. i never used to let anyone take him over night or even just to babysit for a little while and i started about a month ago letting my MIL take him friday is such a great feeling being able to do my own things and then when he comes home i am more than happy to cater to his every need, not that i dont either way but i just love him and miss him so much while hes gone

    Answer by lululovexox at 11:57 AM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • You are not a horrible mother. This is one of the dirty secrets of motherhood... that dewy-eyed moment in the delivery room where you softly gaze into his eyes and instantly bond with him happens to very few women.
    I've been there. I love my daughter. I loved her years before I was pregnant. I loved her when she was born, when she was screaming none stop from colic, when she screamed all night for months in a row. I cared for her, rocked her, made up songs for her - but I didn't feel like a mom and I was certain she hated me. I finally felt like I had a strong "bond" when she was nearly 2!
    I've since come to the conclusion that the word "bond" and the whole "dewy-eyed" concept is a large disservice to new moms and needs to be purged from our expectations.
    Would you fight off a someone trying to take your child? Would you defend him from a rabid animal? Of course you would. You love him and that's what a "bond" really is.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 12:26 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I know how you feel. I felt the same way for a few months until I finally told my husband to take our son out with him for a few hours. I find that if I have a little time to myself once in a while I am a lot less stressed out. My husband only asks me for the same in return. Also on weekends we both get one day to sleep in to at least noon. I never sleep past nine, but that is ok with me. I get to sit down baby free until noon anyway. I guess what I am trying to say is you need a little bit of time to yourself. Even if it is a hour here and there. You are in no way a bad mother. We all feel this way at times. I feel that way right now. My son and husband are both sick. Thank goodness I am not. But I feel like I am taking care of two babies right now, lol. Good luck to you :)

    Answer by hoopys19 at 9:02 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

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