Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

really long butplease read

OK so a few nights ago i posted about thinking my So was up to no good after work (he works in a restaurant as a bartender) well last night at 9:45 he texted me and said leaving soon love you. well 2 minutes later he called..but he didnt know he called me he must have hit the button on the phone without realizing it and i listen to a 19 min conversation of him and his buddy in the car talking about going to his house..well i guess he realized he called me cause it hung up and 2 minutes later he called to tell me he was leaving work..but i had already listened to them on the way home meaning he was lying. i confronted him and he claimed he planned on tellin me but i freaked out instead..my question is that i dont know what to do from here. its not a big deal that he was with his friend but he lied!!! thats the issue..cont

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • he said he planned on telling me but not till he got home so he didnt have to hear me b*tch. what am i supposed to do? i dont know how i can trust him now. we have been together for over 5 years and i have had lying issues with him before....any adivce welcome please dont bash but if you must then whatever
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Ok trust is a must if your relationship is going to work. If it were me I would make a HUGE deal out of it. But I would also go out of my way to stress that its the lying I was upset about. People dont lie unless they need to sneak around. I would be very suspicous if it were me. What is he hiding?
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 3:36 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • men are so dumb and immature at times, and at the same time too. he needs to stop lying and needs to figure out what about you makes him lie. not you as a person, but theres probably a reason why he wont tell you the truth. is it just because he knows your going to bitch at him?
    even if that is the case, he knows what he is doing is wrong and thats why he didnt tell you, and thats why he knows your going to bitch. try to be understanding when you talk to him about it, maybe he'll come around more often and let you know what he's up to for the night. and when you become more understanding, he has no reason to say he didnt tell you because "you were going to bitch at him". and if he still doesnt tell you, than he's a prick and needs to grow up.
    good luck.
    kiliki_malie

    Answer by kiliki_malie at 3:37 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • i agree with NightOwlMama , lying is very suspicious. you dont lie unless you have something to cover up
    kiliki_malie

    Answer by kiliki_malie at 3:39 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • You could tell him that a relationship is built upon trust, and if you can't trust him, then the relationship is over. Ask him why he feels the need to lie IF he wasn't doing something wrong. It's his responsibility now to prove to you that you can trust him by telling you exactly where he went, what he was doing, and why he lied. And the part where he wanted to wait so he wouldn't have to hear you bitch, obviously he's also trying to turn this situation around and make it seem as if you were in the wrong also. You should really reconsider if you really want a man like this in your life. There should be no reason that he should have anything to hide, so get things straightened out. If he doesn't change, maybe its time for you to just end things. GL!
    sweetvietchic

    Answer by sweetvietchic at 3:39 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • i dont know if this is a good idea BUT is it horrible now if i feel like i need to check up on him like when he says hes leaving call his work and see how long it was that he actually left...or follow him or something? hes the type of person where he will never admit that he lied and that he was wrong and just keep saying no i didnt no i didnt until i finally let it go cause its not worth it...and its not fair that im home all the time with no car and hes out doin whatever ya know? any suggestions?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • This is not a healthy relationship. You deserve better. If he'll go along with couples counseling then try that, but it seems to me that you should be looking toward moving on with your life. You don't really want to stay with someone who makes you miserable.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:56 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I feel the same way you do about lying, my ex lied about everything. He used to turn it around on me too, saying he didn't want to listen to me. He wouldn't have had to listen to me if he hadn't lied. His lying is one of the biggest reasons why he is my ex, he would lie about the stupidest little things, he just had a need to lie. I wish I had some good advice for you, in my experience, lying is a huge character flaw and they don't stop. Only you can decide if you can live with the lies, or if you throw him out on his lying rear end.

    LoriW

    Answer by LoriW at 4:17 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN