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Son is out of control & not sure what to do.
My just 13 y.o. son is slowly going down a bad path. He has everything a kid could want; family, friends, sports, tons of video games and toys. His dad and I are happily married. He gets attention and lots of love. However, lately it doesn't seem to be enough.
About three months ago he started acting out. He has done small things previously but nothing major. Three months ago he throws tomatos at the neighbors house. So police came and he cleaned up the mess, apologized and the officer seemed to have gotten through to him. Then a few months ago we discovered he was looking at porn at night (the computer is locked down now). DH nor I look at that stuff so not sure how he discovered the sites. He begged for our trust back. We thought he was starting to come around and now he suspended from school for threatening another child. I guess both esclated and teacher sent them back to their groups but he decided to tell other kids he wish he had a weapon to kill the kid. They don't think he meant it. I know he didn't mean it. However, you can't just make threats like that and we told him that previously.
Not sure what punishment to give that is severe enough. I took off work and tomorrow so it will be miserable for him. Would military school work? Do prisons have programs to scare kids straight? He is so talented but he is going to make a bad choice and ruin his God given gift over something that he should have never done. I feel like I am so alone because most kids are like my other child and well behaved. Not sure what we can do. Our kids are raised the same way and one is a law abiding citzen willing to help anyone and the other is trying to be a punk.
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Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Jan. 26, 2012 in Teens (13-17)
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I'd first get him a full medical workup to rule out a biochemical issueFound an answer to your question?
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Throwing tomatoes= Typical teen angst
Looking at porn= typical male teen behavior.
Threatening another student= not cool
I dont think he rises to needing Military school or prison programs, but he probably needs everything taken out of his room and to be made to earn things back one by one.Found an answer to your question?
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There's a show called "Beyond Scared Straight" or something to that nature. Takes at risk kids to jails and scares them. Those are like gang kids though. What's going on in his school life? New friends? School going south? Bullies?Found an answer to your question?
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I think military school or boot camps might be a bit extreme. I'd make an appointment with his school guidance counselor to discuss his behavior, then maybe make an appointment with a private therapist or psychologist. Things may be going on that you don't know about. They can help to get to the root of the problem and set up an appropriate system of consequences.Found an answer to your question?
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Ok first off, sneaking porn at 13 is normal. I also know quite a few men, who when they were younger, threw tomatoes or eggs at cars and/or houses, and they are now nice, law abiding citizens, so that's normal too. BUT, threatening to kill another kid is not normal. So, you need to find out what caused that anger.Found an answer to your question?
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It sounds like something is bothering him deep down. He's acting out for a reason. It could be a sign that he's been through some sort of abuse. I would take him to get some counseling. He could also be doing drugs or have a chemical imbalance. Good luck with everything.Found an answer to your question?
Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jan. 26, 2012
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He's acting out for some reason. This is the age where they start to assert their independence. My son has witnessed several of his friends go down the wrong path. He sees what is going on and avoids those kids. The big thing is to know who is friends are, who he's hanging out with. Let him invite one friend over at a time and get to know the kids. The teachers in school would know the good kids from the bad ones. If his grades start to drop it would give you a reason to call a parent/teacher conference.
This is the age where they start to experiment with cigarette smoking and drugs. You need to keep a tight rein on him. Counseling would be a good idea. If he is doing this behavior he is angry at something. You have to figure out what and why. Good Luck!!!!Found an answer to your question?
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I agree with gemgem. I would limit his privileges all together until he earned enough "brownie points" to have a friend over, or do anything that he would enjoy. Make it known that his behavior is absolutely unacceptable and will not be tolerated in your house. I would also let him know that he's just earned himself some routine in home drug testing - if he fails a test, he's off to military school.
You can purchase drug tests on amazon at a discounted price - a 12 panel is something like $32 and a pack of 12 nicotine is something like $24 (ish) (I know this because I purchase the tests for random testing in the workplace).
Let him know the difference between rights and privileges - ie he has the right to sleep, the right to eat - but everything else is a privilege and can be taken away, that privileges are earned and he's about to experience a lesson in that arena.
Good Luck Mama!Found an answer to your question?
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Oh, and I agree with the above as well... counseling wouldn't be a back avenue to pursueFound an answer to your question?
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I went to a military boarding school and it was considered an honor. I was a lucky girl to have the opportunity. What it offers your child is camaraderie, structure, intense academics, focus, basically, the day is so structured, there is no room for screwing around. Since kids are in ranks, it's not cool to screw up and the children seem to get this pretty quick. That said, your son seems pretty darn normal to me minus the threat. I wouldn't panic yet. I agree about getting a checkup to make sure all is well, just so you know.Found an answer to your question?
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