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4 Bumps

Found my son...

Without a shadow of a doubt, found the son I gave up 30 years ago...how do I approach this?

He is a semi-public figure...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Jan. 27, 2012 in Adoption

Answers (18)
  • Write a letter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Jan. 27, 2012

  • write him a letter and congrats!!!!!!! GL momma :) ((hugs))
    mamide02ninas

    Answer by mamide02ninas at 10:35 PM on Jan. 27, 2012

  • wow that is so exciting! I agree with the others, I would start by writing him a letter. Good luck, I hope everything works out!
    coolassmom87

    Answer by coolassmom87 at 11:01 PM on Jan. 27, 2012

  • I agree with writing a letter.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 11:53 PM on Jan. 27, 2012

  • Write a letter and Congrats
    tigger3itch

    Answer by tigger3itch at 12:29 AM on Jan. 28, 2012

  • Wow! I can't imagine. I would think it is so great to know he is well and you know where he is. I think I might start with a third party contact if appropriate. For an example, a family friend who is a lawyer to deliver a letter of introduction. My reason for this is so he knows this is legitimate. The lawyer or representative can inform him there was a woman who placed her son for adoption thirty years ago, she believes strongly you are that son, and this is her letter of introduction. The representative can act as a possible go between if the adult adoptee is hesitant or skeptical. If you just send a letter you may never be sure he got it if he wishes to not respond. By having a representative your son can make it clear if he wants contact and in what ways. If I were a some what public figure and my adoption was a known fact, I might be very sheptical about any woman initially.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:24 PM on Jan. 28, 2012

  • I would write a letter; but prepare yourself for the possibility that he will not want you to be a part of his life
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:29 PM on Jan. 28, 2012

  • OP, CONGRATS....AND HUGE HUGS;) I , too agree, write a letter, but NOT with a third party. JMHO! He is now 30 years old,plus. You can register this letter so that he will need to sign for it, or certify it:)
    You mention he is a semi-public person, so he can handle it without any 'go-betweens". When I finally found my twin sons, I was NOT allowed direct contact, ( 24 at the time). I surrendered twin sons,and even though they are about 5 yrs younger than your son, this indeed was one of their questions:)
    I do so hope you get a response, and hope you will come to the Birthmom Group, and update all of us other Mothers, who ,some ...still pray and hope to find their lost child:) WE love hearing happy stories:) Good Luck!!!!
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 6:14 PM on Jan. 28, 2012

  • Just curious... Do you know for sure if he even knows he is adopted? I'm just wondering, because if he doesn't even know he was adopted, I can only imagine how this is going to turn his life upside down...
    TiffyTaffyApple

    Answer by TiffyTaffyApple at 7:12 PM on Jan. 28, 2012

  • Ceejay I knew of a well known financially well to do adoptee. He was very pissed to be contacted out of the blue. He told me he wished his biological mother had not contacted him directly but through a lawyer. I think there are some people who really need to have space. Most of my friends are very well to do. One adult female adoptee was very "fucking pissed" (her words) her birth mother thought she could just contact her and invade her privacy. She felt spied on and stalked. She too talked of how she would rather it was a third party. I say this with input from actual adoptees. One did eventually have a netting. My female friend is totally disinterested. She suspects her biological mother just wants money. She has zero proof and is upset if anyone suggests other wise. I know her. If she had been contacted differently it could have turned out differently.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:21 PM on Jan. 28, 2012

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