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Is it creepy...

to have a reserved chair for my mom who passed at my baby shower? i want to put a blue banner across it that says "reserved for nana."I know in my heart her spririt is there, but my mom taught us at all big functions,Christmas, thanksgiving, big dinners...to save a chair for the person who could not come home that day. I want to do it for her, but SIL is planning shower and she hates me.Do you think it is creepy?

 
Bearsjen

Asked by Bearsjen at 8:13 PM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,279 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • oh that is the best thing ever!! your relationship w/ your mom must have been great. I wish I would of thought of that, 10yrs ago my mom passed away and the following year I had my 4th child my first son. I really wanted her to meet him. and I missed her. we didn't have a close relationship but she was a big part of my life.
    This is something your mom taught you, your tradition on your side of the family. I love it.
    It is not creepy or selfish by any means. put the nana banner up and leave it at that.
    by the way my husband and I own a mortuary my husband works with grief on a daily basis and this is a big part of the grieving for you and it is very important for you.
    teachermomof5

    Answer by teachermomof5 at 10:38 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • yes sorry, but you need to do what you want to do. it dont matter if your sil likes it or not it is not a day for her it is for you and your child good luck
    kristyleigh614

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 8:16 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I DONT THINK ITS CREEPY I THINK ITS A NICE THOUGHT. I SAY YOU SHOULD DO IT. I WOULD.
    MommaBear1129

    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 8:16 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Thanks, and to first poster, why do you think it is creepy? not mad just curious, because I need to know how to respond when people say that, if they do lol kwim?
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 8:23 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I wasn't sure how to respond, but after thinking about it (my Mom has passed to) it's your decision and you don't have to put the banner up so that people will ask questions. Just simply say "this chair is reserved" and tell them the lesson your Mom always taught you. I never set an extra place or anything for my family that's passed, but I always feel like my Mom is here with me and I visually imagine what my daughter would be doing if she were there sharing the moment with me too. The chair is for you, not your Mom because she doesn't need it so you do whatever you need to do to make it thru that day or any other day.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:34 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I agree that it's your day. It's just basically a memorial to your mom...I suppose it could be creepy if it got carried away but I agree with lisa ann that you could just say the chair is reserved and you could mention what your Mom taught you if they are truly interested. It sounds as though your sister-in-law will not be fond of you no matter what you do or don't do!! That's her issue to work through...although I'm sure deep down it hurts. I say go for it!
    iluvjava

    Answer by iluvjava at 8:58 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Yes, I find it creepy.. And also a little rude.. (Looking at it from a visitor's perspective - will this seat be close to you? Close to the food? Close to the gifts? A comfortable spot?? Where's it going to be that no one is going to be tempted to take that seat if they want to sit?)

    But it's also sweet.. I do think you should do it, just try to be thoughtful about where you put it, realizing that she's not ACTUALLY there. Her spirit can just as easily sit on someone's lap without getting in the way. She doesn't need the best spot in the house.

    And if SIL hates you, why are you letting her do your shower?
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 9:13 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • it sounds like you are still grieving the loss of your mother (and who wouldn't!) I would hope that your SIL would understand this is something you need to do to help you in the grieving process, creepy or not, it's your shower, it's your mom, it's your baby, and its your hurt. It would be my hope that people would be understanding and supportive of the hurt you are experiencingmissing your mom while bringing her grandbaby in to this world. I am sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how bittersweet it must be for you
    humaniterian87

    Answer by humaniterian87 at 9:19 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • My mom has been gone since 2000,and Dad since 2005, I recently remarried and I left 2 seats empty in the front row at my Wedding. I think its a way of getting through it. They are always in my heart but there are times they should be honored. Good luck to you, I understand completely how you feel. I have had 2 more children since they have been gone and you just take it day to day...
    cheryl4martin

    Answer by cheryl4martin at 9:46 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I think it's a nice idea, but personally I might cry my eyes out everytime I looked over at the chair :-(
    jessicarae787

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 9:52 PM on Jan. 15, 2009