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Is this too harsh ?

My husband works very long shifts 6 days a week. He provides for our daughter and me and im very grateful for that. What I don't have from him is emotional support. I know its only cause he works so much and doesn't have the time. Don't get me wrong im very much in love with him but I need more help emotionally then im getting in raising our daughter. I don't have any family in this state so im alone each day. My husband dose not want to move to where my family is because he says he wont be able to find a job quick enough. I was thinking about telling him that my daughter and I are going to move out to where my family is so I can have some support. And then when he finds a job he can follow us out there. I can't think of any other way to do this. I cant raise my daughter all by myself with no emotional help. Would this be to harsh ? Please don't bash me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Yes I think it would be too harsh....only because you are asking a lot of a man who sounds like loves you and your daughter and is doing everything he can. there are many many men out there who wouldn't do what your hubby is doing. He is supporting you and your daughter so you IMO should in return be more supportive of him..Have a sit down with him and be open and honest and do it in a loving way....i certainly hope it all works out for you.

    Answer by mamakirs at 10:28 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • It sounds a weeee bit harsh; but it is an option. Try something not quite so drastic; like having him cut back at work or finding another job. Sometimes it takes sacrificing pay to get more family time. You just have to sit down with your husband and discuss which is more valuable.

    Answer by gwood at 10:29 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I don't think that that is the right decision. I wouldn't just tell him. I would sit him down and talk about. See if he can try to give you more emotional support. I understand that it is hard. We are going to be moving soon and I will be now where near my family. My SO's mom is going with us, but she really isn't any help. She thinks children are loud and messy--well they are but don't tell me that all the time. I would just talk it out first, but not just tell him.

    Answer by coala at 10:29 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • have you tried telling him how you really feel, and that he is needed and very important? my friend is going through the exact same thing, and they had a talk and her dh said he was gonna try to be there more, even try to stop drinking, so that he would be home more. is it harsh? i think just to think about living apart is harsh. when you're married to someone, you work through your problem together, not moving away and find help from other people. i don't think that's a good way to solve this. i hope you two can talk about this instead.

    Answer by KaydensMom99 at 10:34 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • yes i do think thats harsh BUT my hubby works just as much as yours and i understand what its like to be alllll alone every single day..i dont even ave a car so im def stuck. honestly i try to get the baby to bed before he gets home and if she wakes up when he gets home its his job to calm her down while i get ready for bed. PM me if you need to talk because i really do understand where your coming from. I do have family around here and they are willing to help but they all work and dont have time. i hope it gets better for you, good luck

    Answer by Kennadismom at 10:38 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Thanks ladies for all your advice. I have talked with my husband about this a million times. He knows exactly how I feel about this and he understands. He really wants to be here more for us. And I know it hurts him that he cant be. We aren't in a good enough financial situation to have him cut back on his hours and the job market around here is in a slump. I guess I'll just have to keep going like I have been. Thanks ladies :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I know what you are going through I have been doing the same thing for the last 17 months. But the thing is that I do not get any kind of support from him or time even after work because he is always hunting or fishing. You need to know that if you move where your family is that he may not follow. You can make it without help. You just have to do what you think is best. My husband told me the same thing when I told him I was going to go back to Texas and he let me know that if I left and moved back “home” that he would not come after he told me that it would be to expensive to live and he don’t know if he could get a job. I ended up staying and I have learned to deal sorry but that may be what you have to do good luck

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 11:01 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Girl what you need to do is take your little one out for a play date with another mom... get yourself out of the house, find a mom with a child around the same age so you can have mommy time. I think if you have someone like this around you for a little adult conversation you will be fine. If you live in Western, NY pm me..


    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:04 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • I am in your exact same situation. I moved to a different state with my husband and I quit school and left everyone in my family. We moved because his job out here is much better than the one he had there. I have a 4 year old son and I am 4 months pregnant and my husband works out of state all of the time. I only see him maybe once a month, if not less. I can't put my son in daycare because we don't have the money and I have to do everything by myself. I hardly even get to talk to my hubby because he's always working. My advice to you would be to stick it out. I know it's really, really hard to be away from family and support, but I think that you have to concentrate on your own little family. Stick it out with your husband and it will all work out. I really do believe that going through hard times will only make you stronger and I think you need to let your husband stick with his job and support his family.

    Answer by jujubean003 at 11:16 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • Things will get better, just give it time. You'll meet friends and people that will be your "family" and they may be able to give you the support your husband can't give. And if it doesn't work after awhile, you can always go back with your family. Message me if you ever need to talk!!

    Answer by jujubean003 at 11:16 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

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