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hard to put out there but i need the help please

I’m friends with an ex and we talk every now and then. I don’t think that either of us where really ready for our relationship to end but it did, do to some things that one of his “friends” told him that where so not true. He also lived in Nebraska and I in Texas we did not see each other much. We did not talk for about 7 months after we broke up and it was hard on me. I ended up jumping into a relationship just to get back at him (childish I know but I was only 19) and I married the guy after only 5 months. We had problems for the start of our marriage and I was ready to call it quits within the first two months but fond out that I was pregnant (with my husband’s baby). And I decided that I needed to give our relationship a try so here we are two and a half years latter and not happy.

there is more please read the first answer

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Jan. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • i have talked to my ex a lot in the last two years and he knows that im still in love with him and I would do almost any thing to be with him. He got married in July to a girl that he had been with for less than a year .he even asked me to come to his wedding. I truly thought that we had moved on and that we would not talk much anymore but he has emailed me a lot since he got married. Every time I think that I can move on and stop thinking about him I get an email from him and I get butterflies. Last night he told me that he wished that he had more pics of the two of us and he told me that he wants me to be happy that I deserve it. He also asked me for my number and a good time to call. What do I make of this? and how do I make myself stop loving him so much. He is married and im married with a child do we even have a chance?

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 10:55 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • First I think you need to try and figure if you really want to stay with your husband, if it's not working, then it's not working, and he may be really hurt if he finds out that you love another man.. But I wouldn't go off and try to get with my ex either.. I think you need time and space away from both me... I would e-mail my ex and tell him to stop calling you e-mailing you, etc... that way you have time to think... then when you have cleared your mind, it's time to go looking for the real mister right.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:59 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • The only way to get past it is to make a clean further contact with him. If in the future you become available and he does too, then you can try something, but right now, it's only causing problems that you don't need.

    It's hard. Been there, done that, but I'm happier with someone else, and I got over the other one after several years. I love my husband and won't trade what we have for a dream. The real thing is much better...

    Answer by rhope4 at 11:02 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • you are both married people, i think IF you two do have a chance its a long time from now. you need to evaluate the relationship you have with your husband and decide if you really want to be married to him. if not, you need to get your life together and figure out exactly what it is you do want. you can't go running to ex, he's also married and needs to do the same things in his relationship. until both of you have figured everything out in your own marriages it would probably be best if you didnt communicate as much (or at all). you both need time and space to figure things out.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 11:03 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • No chance. These are the forbidden relationships, the fantasy what-ifs that you're talking about. The facts seem fuzzy too.... we know your side, you married, had a child but are still in love with him. You told him and he still married another woman..... huge sign.... huge huge sign.... Forget about him... do what you have to do to get away from him for good. There is no way you're going to make the real right decisions that you need to make for you and your child as long as you're holding onto this dream relationship.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:18 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • There is a great book called How to Fall Out of Love. I suggest reading it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:58 PM on Jan. 15, 2009

  • He is married... BIG SIGN. Girl, I know you still love him, but you need to make a clean break from BOTH of you're relationships. If you are not happy with you're Hubby now then you're not happy... The guy that you love is married now, has he said anything about missing you guys being together? Does he say he still loves you? Looks to me like he has moved on and you have not. I suggest reading the book above as well, I've been there and done that. It helps. Stop talking to the guy completely, he is married and as far as you are concerened he should be off limits. I am sure it would kill your Husband to know you are feeling the way you do. And as for his wife, have a little respect for her, she most likely (being as she married him) feels the same way about him as you do. Trust me, You'll find someone else who will make you just as happy, as long as you give it time.. If you don't give it time, there is no hope. Good luck.

    Answer by KateInTheSurf at 12:23 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Thank you all for your answers this is something that I have been going through for over 3 years and I don’t think I want this to be in my life any more I will never stop loving him and I know it but I do need to stop talking to him and yes some of you are correct and if my husband found out that I talked to him at all he would make my life a living hell and I know it. He found some e mails from him on my account before we where ever married and he flipped out. (There was nothing in the e mails other than hi how are you hope you are doing well) but it made a lot of problems for me and my now husband. I just wish that I could stop thinking about him he invades my thoughts all the time even if I don’t talk to him for a month of more. I even dream about him some times.

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 1:36 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • But I know that we have both moved on and that it is time to put what ever we did have to rest and I don’t think that I can do that as long as he is in my life again thanks ladies.

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 1:36 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

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