2 Bumps

How would you handle this?

My 13 yo dd has latched onto a bad group of girls. They aren't liked by other girls in school probably because of the same things we have found out about them. They post inappropriate sex talk on facebook, have parents that do drugs, have been in & out of jail & prison, live really dirty. How do I keep her away from them now that my dh & I have found these things out?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Jan. 30, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • well, i doubt you can do much at all when she's at school. but at 13, you can always monitor her whereabouts outside of school...by not allowing her to be where these girls are.
    she doesn't have to have a phone or texting priviledges, either. they aren't necessary to a 13yo's life.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:43 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

    Credits: 263055 Level 47 1 star Teens (13-17) 101
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  • During the school day you probably can't. Outside of school be vigilant about where she goes and what she is doing. Let her know that you will be checking up on her and there will be consequences if she is found to be with those girls. I have no way of know if any of these would work at all or only cause resentment. Good luck in whatever approach you find that works for the both of you.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:43 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

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  • I would wonder why she is attracted to this group, and your her parent, so if you don't want her to hang out, go over with them outside of school, lay down the law,, I find it hard to believe that EVERY girl in this group has prison, druggie parents,, have you talked to her about why she feels comfortable in this group,, and honestly if it go to where her grades, activities and things were failing I migh switch her school. WHO informed you of the bad girls club reputation? I might be prone to investigate it more, rather than taking someone else's word for it.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:46 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

    Credits: 62666 Level 33 1 star1 star Teens (13-17) Minor
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  • At school you cant. Keep her busy in healthy activities like softball, volleyball, or whatever is popular in your region. I found keeping my teens busy gave them less of a chance to choose bad friends. They all stayed within the circle they played sports with since they see them after school and on weekends too.
    You can also contact the school and inform them you dont like her being around those kids and ask what options you have. Can you change her out of classes they share? Then get a hold of the parents and nicely tell them you do not want your child hanging around with their child because together they get into trouble. That way you arent finger pointing.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:48 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

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  • I agree with meooma. I would closely monitor her activities outside of school. You can track her on her cell phone with that gps plan to be sure she is at designated locations. I would demand to randomly go through her phone and facebook messages. Check the phonebill to see who she might be deleting messages from on the phone. Maintain contact with teachers to know if she is skipping class with these girls. Get her involved with an outside activity where she will make new friends . The privacy and trust is over when a teen breaks the rules, and its up to us as parents to set the boundaries. GL!
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:52 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

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  • kimigogo: I saw the nasty posts on facebook (several times) & one was to a boyfriend of one girl's Mom during a slumber party (that my dd was not invited to as we are keeping her from this group's houses, etc.) The mom had to leave for work at 11 pm & the two girls were talking dirty to this man & in the post it was saying he 'had a smile on his face' while there listening. As for the drug use/prison jail this actually came from 2 of the girl's mouths about their parents. Some of this use is still current/some past. I think she is attracted to the group because of the DRAMA.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:55 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

  • well then step in and say she isn't allow to see them outside of school, and perhaps find an activity for her that she will be involved with other girls who have more like minded parents,, and if I saw teens posting like that to an adult, and he was responding, I think he should have been reported.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:07 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

    Credits: 62666 Level 33 1 star1 star Teens (13-17) Minor
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  • Enroll her in extracurricular activities. Sports, Volunteering at the Library, After School activity. What are her interests? Ask her & pursue them. Keep her too busy to socialize with these girls. I would also speak to the Principal of the school so they can be aware of possible problems with these girls. Take away her Facebook privilege. It is a waste of time when she could be doing something productive. Busy hands are happy hands!

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:14 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

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  • I think there are things you can do to discourage these friendships without outright forbidding them, which might just make her more drawn to these girls if rebellion is a part of the draw they have for her. As Ilovemypaulie suggests, keep her engaged in activities that build upon her strengths and interests. I would certainly not let her go over to these girls houses or go hang out with them unsupervised, but if they come over to your house, you can supervise them and you and your family could be a positive role model for them.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:31 AM on Jan. 30, 2012

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  • Keep her really busy with other activities
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:51 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

    Credits: 72082 Level 35 1 star1 star1 star Teens (13-17) Major
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