Will the judge listen to my 5 year old?

Some judges will listen to a child and it will depend on what that child’s wishes, how mature she appears. A few Judges will not even listen to a child if they are under 7 yrs old. Also if your daughter expresses a good reasons related to her best interest such as genuinely feeling closer to you instead of her daddy, sometimes courts will follow your daughter's wishes. Another piece of good news is since your ex wants to modify the custody arrangement, hes gonna have to show the court that something has substantially changed since the last custody order. And since he is getting ready to ship out of the country will be a great help for you, or can go against you. But if I were you, I would get a legal aid atty, you can get on free if you qualify, and get one that has experience in these matters.

5 years old. They probably wont listen. They usually do not listen to kids tell they are 12 I think.

Nope. The rule of thumb is they have to be around 12 to have some input but even then it is no guarantee unless they are asking to move out of the custodial parents home due to abuse or neglect, or just a better home environment. At just 5 years old a judge will see this as the perfect time to allow over night visits. Judges generally limit over nights with infants and toddlers. At 5 though she is now considered a child and the judge will allow over night visitation with her dad unless he is somehow abusive.

I would be curious as to her reason for not wanting to go. Has she had a sleepover somewhere else, so this is a "dad specific" thing, or is it a fear of sleepovers in general? Either way though, if there's no reason (such as abuse, an unsafe living environment, etc) for her to not spend the night with him, I think that you, as the mom, should really be trying to encourage her to go.

Yes, I get that he was a dirt bag that walked out on you while you were pg, BUT - he's her father, and it sounds like he's trying to BE a father, and in the long run, whether you're with him or not, a child having a good relationship with both of her parents is a good thing for them. By you encouraging that relationship, then, as she gets older, she's going to appreciate that - either because she has a good relationship with him, or because she doesn't (because he flakes out), but she knows that YOU weren't what prevented it, kwim?

No, and it's your job as her mom to make her feel as good as possible about going if she does have to go. Don't tell her how much you will miss her and cry, talk about how much fun it will be - like slumber party with dad.

It depends on the state. What they would do in most states would be to assign a guardian et litum who will talk to the child and both of the parents, and inform the judge of what (s)he thinks would be in the child's best interests rather than having the child testify or just going by what the child wants.

No. They are not even generallyin the court room. A five year old is not old enough to make these kinds of decisions for herself. The fact that he has never had overnight means nothingas there can be many reasons for that happening including your own objections.
Perhaps it would be more productive to discover why YOu don;t want her to stay overnight with her father.
I would suggest that you encourage her love for her father no matter what your feelings are.

A few judges WILL listen to a 5 yr old child and that is another reason why its important to get a family atty. If the judge will not listen, the atty will read a letter on her behalf. As for not being allowed to be in the court room, she can be in there. I have been to several court cases involving child vistition and custody that judges may not listen to a young child, but they can be there. Like I said above, it greatly depends on the maturity level of her daughter. There are no 'set in stone' rules saying a judge will not listen to a child when deciding whats in the best interests of that child.