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Should I take my SD to see her BM in Jail?

BM has not made any effort to see her daughter in over 2 years, even before she got arrested. My SD never talks or asks about her BM.

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AZJESS

Asked by AZJESS at 3:00 AM on Jan. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • If she dont want tosee her then i would say no, And the BM hasnt tried plus that is no place for a child
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I can't answer this without knowing more info. For instance, how old is the sd? How close were they before? How soon is the bm getting out, and will she want parental rights when she does? How well adjusted is the child to the whole situation, are they ashamed and embarrassed, are they ok with it and philosophical about it? Do you and your dh (the 2 people who know your daughter the best) think it's something she could handle?

    Is she old enough to ask her if she wants to go and see what her feelings on it are?

    Sorry, I know this probably isn't much help, but it's not exactly a cut and dry sort of thing, without knowing the answers to these questions I don't think I would be able to make a decision one way or the other....
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:11 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • in that situation ..................nah!
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 8:55 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I wouldn't. My SD will be 11 in a couple of weeks and my SS is going to be 14 in April. We've had custody of them for 2 years because BM was strung out and in and out of jail. Only once has their mom seemed to really be interested in seeing them, so we allowed her to come to our home for a visit. That was Christmas 2007. She hasn't been in contact since. The kids were excited to see her, and she let them down. All she does is break their hearts, so if your situation is anything like mine, I wouldn't bother. I mean, uness your SD is crying to see her or something, but you say she doesn't ask about her or mention her, sooo.... I just wouldn't.
    winkie_pinkie

    Answer by winkie_pinkie at 11:21 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I'd say if her BM has been missing out of her life for close to 2 years I'd ask her if she wants to see her mom. And be honest where she is and go from there. Can you maybe have BM write her and start a relationship that way before hand?
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 2:15 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • BM was never close to her or any of her kids. They were always dirty and hungry and just uncared for. My SD wants to see her sisters more than her BM. I asked before and she actually went to the jail when she first went in. It was horrible my SD would cry and cry when she had to leave. And then she would tell us she hated to see her Mom like that, we just took that hint and never took her again.

    To answer some questions SD is 8 and I call her my own. I have taken care of her the most of anyone in her life and the most consistant. And yes she is so happy and adjusted to this life.

    But I wanna add her sisters tell me that their BM is already threatening to "take care of people when she gets out"
    AZJESS

    Answer by AZJESS at 9:18 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I wouldn't take her and also while BM is in jail I would talk to your husband about taking her to court to sign off her parental rights. With her being in jail that might make things easier.  From what I've read it doesn't sound like she is much of a mother anyway.

    DROCKSGIRL517

    Answer by DROCKSGIRL517 at 7:51 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

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