Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do I do from here?

I'm 16 & my baby boy is on his way in about 2 months.. the problem is, I never have & still don't want to be a mom. Everyone says the feeling will change once I hold him for the first time, but I'm so worried it won't. I tried talking about it with my boyfriend because it was bothering me so much. He told me he was ashamed of me & didn't want me to even touch the baby when he's born...

Answer Question

Asked by NB_baby at 5:32 AM on Jul. 18, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • first of all, your boyfriend is a jerk. second of all i had my daughter when i was sixteen. I was scared shitless, and didn't know if i really wanted her. four years later, she's the light of my life. you will be scared until the baby comes, no one is going to be able to calm you down. it will get better..

    Answer by AudlyLuvly at 6:47 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Well your boyfriedn needs to be supportive and help you with these feelings, not make you feel guitly about them. You should "want to be a mom" when you see the baby and hold him but if you dont, Have you thought about adoption??

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 7:10 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • Being a first time mom is scary enough, but I can't imagine being one when I was 16. I think you should tell your boyfriend to hit the road, you need support right now, not insults. I would also recommend that you call your local crisis pregnancy center. Look in the Yellow Pages under "Abortion Alternatives", they will be able to give you support and help. I used to volunteer at my local crisis pregnancy center.

    I agree with the above poster that adoption may be an option for you. You're young and if you have this many doubts about becoming a mother, then consider giving your baby to someone that is unable to have children.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 7:49 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • first of all, you are really young to be a mother. just because you are physically capable of having sex and conceiving, doesn't mean you are emotionally ready or prepared to have someone totally dependent on you. you are not even ready to totally care for yourself. i would urge you to consider giving the child up for adoption when he is born. there is no shame in admitting you are just not ready.

    Answer by anniekelleher at 8:48 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • I was 17 when I was was pregnant with my first child and the guy was an ass too. I also never wanted kids. I kept my son and I love him more than I could ever imagine (he's 12 now) but my life is not what I had ever pictured. My best friend also became pregnant in her late teens; she chose adoption. I admire her sooo much for so many reasons. I have 4 now and my hubby and I joke that we're not kid people. I love my kids but I don't think I have the patience and the selflessness that other mom-types have. My best friend has so much freedom and has had so many experiences in her life that I've never had - she's been able to date people through her 20's without the whole introduction/separation/attachment issues that young moms have to deal with. There's no shame in adoption. pm me if you'd like, i don't want to get any more personal here.

    Answer by Gotoyourmoms at 9:58 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • You need to get supportive ppl around you. (People to help you when you have the baby, ones you'll be able to talk with openly.) You might feel a bond right away. Sometimes it take a short period of time to develop that bond -depends on stress levels, energy and knowledge of what to expect with a newborn. Give yourself time to adjust to all the changes that will take place. Make sure you have someone to talk with and don't get too overwhelmed. If you don't have someone there to talk freely with -lots of moms on here would be happy to contact you and allow you to call any hr. Keep a check on your emotions and get help if you think you might be too overwhelmed or possibly hurt/neglect the baby. Perhaps you'll decide that it's best for you to not raise the baby. As long as you have the support needed and give yourself time, you don't have to feel pushed/rushed to make such a huge decision. For now, just get in touch with supportive ppl, read, and be healthy.

    Answer by ChattyWifePlus2 at 10:33 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • I think the fact that you are worried about this is the first sign you will be a good mom. You are already worried that you will not be good enough, and I do that every day, and my son is 4. Worrying is parenting. It is great that you are thinking about this, but just relax. Definately get rid of the boyfriend though.

    Answer by hopingfor5 at 10:45 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • It is okay to be scared. You're 16. Hell it was scary for me at 19 and I was married. Give yourself a little time. Avoid the boyfriend if he can't be supportive. Make no rash decisions. There will be time after the baby is born if you just decide it isn't the right time. If you keep the baby it will be hard. If you give the baby up it will be hard. It's what is best for all of you and can you live a lifetime with the decison. I also wanted to tell you I think you are very brave for getting this far and not giving in to abortion. Good Luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • It's okay... I think many women experience the same feelings. Lots of us felt like we weren't going to be good moms, or maybe we felt like our kids wouldn't love us, etc. Most of it does go away when you hold them and realize that you are responsible for another person. Don't worry if it doesn't happen quickly, though. It takes a little while to get used to the fact that you're actually a Mom. It's not always an instant bond. I think you're probably making yourself feel this way b/c you're so scared. Don't beat yourself up, but DO beat some sense and sensitivity into that BF. He needs to learn what the word SUPPORT means, LOL.

    Answer by Luvmylilmonkies at 12:05 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

  • First, God Bless you! Have you ever considered adoption? My sister adopted a gorgeous baby boy from a 16 year old mother. They have an open adoption which means the birthmother can visit him anytime she wants. My sister couldn't have children of her own, the gift that her son's birthmother gave her was amazingly generous. If you don't want to be a mom, consider giving that chance to a woman who desperately wants it and cannot. PLEASE message me if you'd like to talk, whether you choose adoption or not. I'll be happy to listen!

    Answer by MrsP777 at 1:48 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.