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I know this is not "normal" for 3 year olds. vent/advice

yet the majority of my class is like this. out of 16 kids, i'd say 8 of them have some kind of behavioral issue. and my boss does SHIT about it.

one in particular, likes to hit authority figures. she is a total distraction in my class, all she wants to do is chat with everyone, not listen, or, resort to violence when she doesn't get her way. she seriously reminds me of a freakin high school kid. i have to get on her EVERY day, and it takes 20 minutes for me to get my kids settled in circle time because of their lack of respect, or breaking up fights. well, she has kicked me before, smacked me, and today actually punched another teacher in the face. the teacher brought her up to the director, who gave her paper and crayons instead of calling her parents. and of course her parents are never informed of her behaviors in class.

mostly it's the violence and abuse that goes on in the classroom. i just don't get it. where does all this fucking anger come from? i have a 5 year old, she went through her "terrible three" phase but it wasn't a daily thing. i also currently have a 3 year old of my own, and she knows not to hit other people. ive seen her fight with her sisters but they do not hit eachother, ever. and ive told my class repeatedly if they have a problem, come to me, don't hit your friends, etc.

i don't get it.. what the hell is wrong with these kids? this cannot be normal. and if it is, then that means my kids, my close friends' kids, and my nieces/nephews are all abnormal.

Answer Question

Asked by tnm786 at 8:48 PM on Jan. 31, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • No that isn't's called not being a parent.
    I see it often too. My kids have never, ever hit me or another adult in that manner. They knew better. My kids aren't perfect, but hell they have basic respect and manners for me and others.
    But I don't fear them not liking me b/c I disciplined them. I am not their friend, i am their mother.

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 8:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • Well it is normal if their parents never taught them not to do it. And if they think it is cute... shocking, but some parents actually encourage that kind of behavior.


    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 8:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • well, it can't continue this way. the kids in my class that actually do pay attention deserve a chance to learn something. and the ones that don't, need some kind of something before they enter kindergarten, where they would be expelled for this kind of DAILY behavior. i am so sick and fucking tired of having the same issues with the same kids every day! i have not contacted the actual owner of the pre-school, but im not sure if it would do any good anyway. she probably sees each kid as a dollar sign.

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 8:55 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • yea thats a tough spot for you. It seems teachers and care givers are supposed to tread lightly around the disruptive behavior, while the behaved kids suffer through the distractions. It's not right.
    I'm sure you've tried everything to curb the behavior but have you tried putting them at a table with an activity of their own to do? Or to sit with their heads down until they calm down? are you allowed to institute any kind of discipline for that behavior or are your hands completely tied?

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 8:58 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • well, i have tweaked the schedule a lot since i started working there, in hopes of curbing these outbursts. since i have 16 of them, i try and break them up into small groups when we aren't doing our circle time/curriculum stuff, but unfortunately all of the curriculum stuff has to be taught together, since it is only myself and i do not have an assistant. after we get through curriculum, i try and have some of them at different centers and rotating every so often, but one kid looks at the other the wrong way, they cross into eachother's centers, start fighting, the others get distracted and break off out of their centers too, and chaos has erupted. i am allowed to put them in time out, and ive started a reward system too, but the challenging ones are so far gone that rewards don't even work most of the time. needless to say i look forward to outside time everyday.. lmao

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 9:04 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • " i don't get it.. what the hell is wrong with these kids? this cannot be normal. and if it is, then that means my kids, my close friends' kids, and my nieces/nephews are all abnormal."

    This is just my personal opinion, but I think we have become a very child-centered society and because of that, we have given our children a sense of entitlement. Don't get me wrong, I think protecting children is terribly important, but we've become, well, paranoid about it. It seems like we're obsessed with not allowing children to experience the slightest discomfort. Parents are openly criticized for their disciplinary techniques and told their children have their rights, which supersede any right the patent may have. How can we honestly be surprised that our children are feeling so entitled?


    Answer by momto2boys973 at 9:14 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • Some of it they get on tv, a lot more than when I had kids.
    If the director does not inform the parents why don;t you as their teacher?
    Are you alone in the room with 16 3 YOs?
    Have one of the teachers or aides or what evr make the child sit in time out . If necessary more than one. You have to take charge of the classroom otherwise they will which means you must discipline and have chats with the parents.

    I would have a chat with the director as well nd call her down when you are having a particularly bad time and let her deal with it.
    If nothing changes you may wish to look for other areas of employment.

    Answer by Dardenella at 9:19 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • Call your state's licensing board. Your "classroom" is out of ratio and the center you're working in will be in some REAL deep water if anything happens to any of the kids in your care. The MAX ratio of 3/4 year olds to teachers is 10:1, at least in my state. I sincerely hope and pray nothing happens to any of your kids because you'd be facing a lawsuit at best.

    As for the behavior problems you're bitching about, kids can and do take the attitudes of the adults they spend the most time with. They KNOW you don't like them, so they're not going to behave for you. If you want to make changes start with the person you look at in the mirror.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:21 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • rosehawk- they were acting like that from day one, before i was even in charge of them. so how do you analyze that?

    and the ratio in my state for 3 year olds is 15 to 1.

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 9:24 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

  • This is awful. I think due to lawsuits it seems like teachers have to be so careful about what they say and do with these situations. i agree about kids being entitled and parents not parenting. i could never do your job but to have half the class that way? That's just wrong. Usually there's one or two. Parents just aren't doing the job...I don't get it. The rest of us have to pick up the tab and then we expect these little freaks to operate in society.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on Jan. 31, 2012

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