Terrible situation with my sister and niece, and I have no idea what to tell her! Long!

For the last several years, I have taught in a school district that is predominately white with small, few family, Arabic and Mexican populations. My sister recently finished school and started subbing in the district, so she knows she has a schedule that allows her to be off work when my niece is off school.

Today she had my nieces actual classroom, and she got an earful about her daughter and got to see first hand the way she is treated by her classmates! I want to preface this by saying that my sister is NOT an overprotective "helicopter mom". She does not rush in to save her daughter from mistakes or every little hurt feeling, so if she is telling me it is bad, I believe her. She said that when the the kids came in at the beginning of school, mind you these are 4th graders, told my sister "Nobody likes your daughter" and a couple girls told her it is because my niece "hangs out with the Mexicans".

We have mixed couples in our family and mixed children, so my niece is REALLY naive to the idea of racism. One boy piped up and said "my mom has a name for girls that hang out with people outside of their race", and another answers him "A whore?!" and he says "Yeah, actually that's exactly what she calls them!".

At that point, my niece was crying at her desk, and the kids told my sister she cries "all day, every day" and to just ignore her. My niece begged to stay with my sister for lunch and recess.

My niece has never mentioned that the kids were picking on her and being this awful, but for the last SEVERAL MONTHS off and on, she has been trying to call my sister during lunch saying she is sick and wants her to come pick her up. My sister thought that it was because they have math in the afternoon right after lunch, and that maybe my niece was trying to get out of it (she struggles in math), and after the first two times this happened, she has never gone to get her and has given her lectures on why she needs math and that she can't run from the work. Now that she knows what's going on she feels terrible.

She is at a loss of what to do. She doesn't even know what to do for TOMORROW. She doesn't feel like she can sent her to school in good conscience knowing what is going on!

What would you do?

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Asked by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:18 PM on Feb. 1, 2012 in Tweens (9-12)

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I would be talking to administration about doing something with the bullies. IF they do nothing, I would seriously considering moving schools where maybe race is not such a huge issue. Poor kid! Kids are SO horrible these days and it seems no one really cares to do anything about it.

Answer by amazinggrace83 at 6:23 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
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WOW, I wish she had told her mom the reason she wanted to go home. SO sad! I am glad she saw it though and I pray that there is a remedy, I dont have it but something definately needs to be done.

Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 6:31 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
Credits: 38818 Level 29 Tweens (9-12) 101

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Why has the regular teacher allowed this to go on?
I'd keep my child home until this got straightened out. I would pick up her work everyday so she doesn't fall behind.

Answer by meooma at 6:31 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
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That child is being bullied. Tell her to go ASAP to the Principal, then school board, etc with all of this information. Nobody should have to endure what that child is going thru. This makes me so sad.

Answer by texasgurl33 at 6:33 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
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I agree with all these comments and esp. Texasgirl. This is just plain cruel. I don't get why the teacher has not clued in or mentioned anything or intervened! I would be so pissed off I'd be screaming at all these parents. Why would any parent knowingly send their child into the lion's den. I honestly think I'd keep her out until the Principal takes action.

Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Feb. 1, 2012

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A couple things..Your sister should have taken immediate control of the class. She also should not have left school grounds before talking with the principal. The regular teacher is obviously letting this go on and that has to stop immediately. I would not send my child back to class until the administration had addressed and resolved this problem.

Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:40 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
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She handled the behavior immediately, it was what to do about the situation that she's having trouble with.

Comment by Mom-2-3-Girlz (original poster) at 6:55 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
Credits: 69121 Level 34 Tweens (9-12) 101
I think she needs to talk to the regular teacher, maybe school counselor and principal, but I'd get my daughter out of the situation immediately, she would not be going back to that school. I'd either transfer schools, or consider homeschooling.

Answer by ohwrite at 7:03 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
Credits: 26829 Level 26 Tweens (9-12) 101

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If it were my DD, i would have took note of the kids that were saying that, and gone straight to the principal and demaded actions be taken. She is not only being bullied, but discriminated against. I would demand a meeting with the teacher and all the parents to discuss the issues. If that did not help, I would file a lawsuit against the school district, for allowing such bullying (if they call her a whore in front of her mom, I cant even imagine what they say when the regualr teacher is there) and creating a very very horrible learning enviornment for my daughter. It is completely unacceptable, and I would be raising hell for everyone, teacher, students, parents, principal, and district.
I know kids will be mean, but its gotta get nipped in the bud, before it escalates.
Im so sorry your neice is going through that. NO child should ever fear school, because some childrens parents teach their child to hate.

Answer by Mme.Langley at 7:38 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
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Oh believe me Mme.Langley, that is EXACTLY what my sister thought! If they're saying that TO her mother, what do they say everywhere else?! Can you imagine ever thinking at 9 years old you could run your mouth like that? As a teacher myself, I know that the better run the classroom is when the teacher is present, the better they generally are for a sub, so I can't imagine what a typical day is like there!

She sent a couple of the "ringleaders" to the office and spoke briefly with the office staff then, that it was HER daughter that was the target, but I don't think she was able to talk to anyone after school today.

Lord help whoever she does talk to tomorrow, though, because she is getting more and more upset about this the more we have talked about it!

Comment by Mom-2-3-Girlz (original poster) at 8:04 PM on Feb. 1, 2012
Credits: 69121 Level 34 Tweens (9-12) 101