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How would you deal with a 17 yr old son who is literally "obsessed" with his girlfriend. He is making her his family and discarding everyone else in his life.

My son is constantly in contact with his girlfriend and wants to be with her everyday (seeing her at school is not enough) and when I say he can't go out on any given night he says that I hate her (his girlfriend). I feel like I am being pit against her and don't know what to do. His girlfriend is actually a sweet girl but seems very needy. I kinda feel a little bit manipulated. Any thoughts?

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Asked by ohheck at 11:49 AM on Jan. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (14)
  • I will tell you to not say any thing bad about her, to him. Tell him that she(the GF) is invited to come over to your house, at reasonably hours of the day. The more your son thinks you hate her the more he will go crazy about her.


    Answer by louise2 at 11:57 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • your son is at the age of being able to be in a serious relationship.. i was serious withmy hubby at 16.. were married now. although we didn't see each other every day we prolly saw each other 5 out of 7 days. are you sure your not jealous and not wanting to let him go?? if thats not it.. just tell him look you can see her this many days out of the week. but its important for you to have your own life. they are in school you can't expect that to be enough time. me and my hubby had strict parents. as long as our chores were done we could see each other.. but cerfews were at 10 for me 11 for him during the week and 11 on weekends for me and 12 for him on weekends

    Answer by krazyash023 at 11:58 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • my boyfriend's mother (my son's now grandma) hated me from the beginning and all because her son spent so much time with me. He was at my house and with my family more than he was home and sometimes she wouldn let him come back home so he'd come back to my house and have to stay. He said he didnt feel welcome at home and i thought that was so sad and my family treated him better than me!!! lol cont....

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Eventually i got pregnant by him and now his mother denies her grandchild and moved her son to a whole nother state!!! so now my son has no father all because his mom didnt want him with me. All i can say is dont push him to spend less time with her. He's only going to increase that amount. Is it a new relationship? Its usually like that for a while but then one or both of them is going to want their own space. I had to tell my boyfriend to just go home sometimes he'd refuse but i'd explain we can always spend time together but sometimes his mom just wants her baby. it worked most of the time

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • You can give them time together but then he will have to give you time away from her.

    You might want to tell him hey you don't want to get too used to her than you will get bored with eachother he won't see it now but you and I know it will. Let him see her but not too often that way he can't say you won't let him see her. Don't leave them alone for long just keep a close eye on them teenagers tend to do like you don't know. Just let him find out for himself.teen boyGL


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:11 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I've never had issues with his girlfriend. I'm happy my son has found a girl to date but it seems all consuming. They act as though they are already married. When I say "obsessed" I mean "obsessed". They have to be in constant contact. It's alarming to me. I am worried that he thinks this is how you are supposed to be in relationships. I have talked to him and no matter what I say he just doesn't listen.
    I'm pretty sure this girl has issues that stem from other things and it has made her a very needy person. I feel like I have to tailor my discipline of my son around her feelings and I can't do it any more.

    Answer by ohheck at 12:29 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I am sorry, My son (16) has his first girlfriend and when I read the part about "school not being enough" I started laughing. I use those exact words to my son, usually he gets the drift. I have always made it clear to my kids that no GF/BF is more important then family and that if they can not make time for family then they can not make time for anyone else. It has worked well when they are no longer participating in the family and I have to remind them. I don't know how to make your son understand, I know I have a cut off time on the phone, nothing after 9 (they have school early) so this help. Maybe someone will have some better advice, I think once they think they have found love there isn't a whole lot we can do.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:46 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I was the same way at that age. :) I'm glad nobody did anything. He's my husband now!

    Answer by Autumn22 at 2:51 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Tell him that he needs to bring her over to your house instead of seeing her somewhere else. If she is indeed a needy person, I would point out the areas where I could see that she could become a problem for him. If you can have her come to your house, you will soon know if she is interested in just being in his company or if she has something else in mind. Tell your son that you like the girl, but because you are older and wiser , you see some potential problems. Tell him you just want to help him make sure that he gets the very best that he deserves. Don't pit yourself against the relationship, but do make sure he understands that as his mom, you want the best for him.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • i would make them break up. simple. he isn't obviously mature enough to handle this relationship and should be stopped asap. i would tell him it was his power to act mature in this relationship and that he got obsessed and you felt you had to step in. i certainly an concerned that this make him be very mad at you but i think they need some serious separation and when he can earn your trust but listening to your rules and stays away from her that you will let him date her again but that he has to prove that he is ready and can handle the relationship.

    Answer by melody77 at 4:15 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

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