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mommy whos going to be the daddy? PLZ READ...NEED UR POINT OF VIEW!

(repost from a few days ago)i have been separated from my ex husband for almost a year now....and for a long time it was my daddy this my daddy that..but thru the past year he has kinda disapeared from our childrens lives....he wont answer my little girls calls or even return them....and the past few weeks she surprised me by saying" ur my mommy?" i said yes "whos going to be the daddy?" i told her i am going to be the mommy and the daddy right now....she was satisfied with that answer for a few days...then she asked it again and said" u need to pick a daddy" coming froma 4 yr old i was shocked..i have been seeing a wonderfull man for almost 4 months now..and he adores me kids..and they adore him....BUT i am not comfortable with him taking on a father roll this early in the relationship...i tell my kids he is mommies friend and he can be their friend too...how would u respond to these questions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Jan. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • As far as your situtation I think you are dead on about allowing the new man in your life to be a good friend, but he isn't their daddy. As hard as it is, if she says that you need to pick a daddy again, I think you should just explain to her that she already has a daddy. Then of course I am sure it will be followed up with another question (where is he?) I would just explain to her that right now her daddy, is in a place in his life where he is not able to see her, but hopefully one day that will change. Explain that you love her very much and that no matter who goes in and out of her life, you will always be there, and love her more than any mommy and daddy could love a child together. Kids are really smart, and I dont think you should dumb it down for her at all. Dont say anything negative about the bastard (lol), just keep reminding her about the unconditional love you have for her.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • tell her you want to find the PERFECT daddy! make it a big deal that she deserves the best daddy in the whole world and you have to know a person for a long time and learn all about them to make sure they will be her perfect daddy.
    Amanduhpanda

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 11:54 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I agree with Amanduhpanda...
    Lacey1012

    Answer by Lacey1012 at 11:55 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I would answer them as openly and honestly as a four year old is capable of understanding. I went through these questions with my kids as well but I left their dad when they were babies. They didn't see their dad until they were 6 & 7 years old. My response was you have a daddy but he lives far away and can't come see you now. Needless to say I eventually got through to him and forced him to take an active role in his kids lives. I wish you lots of luck on this one, I know it isn't easy.

    BooBear666

    Answer by BooBear666 at 11:59 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I would take the approach of defining different types of families- some don't have a daddy, some get extra mommies and daddies, some have 2 mommies/daddies, some live with grandma/grandpa ect...
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:59 AM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Give it time. So far so goodgoodhave a nice weekend


    You shouldn't introduce anyone to your kids until you are sure he is the one, hopefully it does work out bc the kids and he like eachother so give it time. As long as you see positive things don't worry about it. You just don't want to introduce too many people in their lives. Just becareful.

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:01 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Prior to my marriage I had been in a relationship with a man that had a child. Her mother was pretty much out of the picture and I had been there since she was about 15m old. She was about four and one day we were sitting in the living room watching tv, and she turns and asks me, "Why aren't you my mommy?" Even though I wasn't it almost made me cry. I just explained to her that she had a mommy, but that I was her friend and I loved her very much, I could never take the place of her mommy but I would always love her. She then says, " I wish you were my mommy." Needless to say I felt horrible, and I didn't even do anything.

    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 12:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • so far i can't really add to anything that has been said!!!.....big hugs to you both.....i'm sure you are in a very difficult spot!!!!.....good luck with this new relationship

    bigblueeyes

    Answer by bigblueeyes at 12:18 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I agree with the first poster. And I also agree with the so far so good...wow, I think you have found a question that all moms can agree on, lol.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 1:08 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • My son went through a similar situation with me. I wasn't dating anyone so that aspect never presented itself. I told my son that it was my job to be his mommy and his daddy right now. When he says he wants a daddy I let him know that it has to be someone who "fits" into our family... that I am not going to just go find someone so he can say he has a "dad".
    BTW - My son is 7 now, and hasn't seen his sperm donor since he was 4.
    indigostone

    Answer by indigostone at 1:08 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

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