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too easy??

I always said I would only sleep with the guy whom i was truly in love with. That only happened once- with my sons father. But now he's not around due to the distance between us. I swore I would not sleep with anyone else because my body is for the love of my life. But I met this guy and I slept with him on the second date!!! and 3x after that!! I regret each time I did but I just can't say no. Thats how I lost my virginity (not to my sons father) I just couldn't say no. I was raped twice- once by my cousin at 4 and then again at 16 by my ex's cousin (cousins suck!) I was wondering if this had anything to do with my "easyness" and my fright to say no and is there any place I can go to get some counseling for it or something??? Noone knows of the second rape but my two best friends.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Jan. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • do you want to sleep with him or are you afraid to say no?
    mrsmostafa

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 1:00 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • i went through similar circumstances like u described and i too had trouble saying no even though i didn't want to be sexual with them. my mindset has changed now and i really regret the encounters i had because of not being strong enough to say no. i hope you find the help you need and learn to be more in control of the situations.i wish u the best keep tryin girl
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • i had the same problem. it stemmed from lack of love for myself and wanting to be accepted by men cause i was never given love from my father. you filling a void in your life but even though you know doing like you have doesn't work but subconsciously you just can't say no. you've been betrayed by men and maybe deep down inside you fear they might rape you if you don't give in. i have been to. i have finally after yrs of counseling found the right person to counsel me. when i met her i said where have you been all my life. i went through my church and they paid for it. i would try a crisis center for abused women they can give you counseling for free or next to nothing but you need to it. the sooner the better. i should probably still go but i have made big progress and have found a truly loving husband. you have bad men being attracted to you, once you get more healthy your quality of men will improve. GL
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:07 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • are you scared to turn him down? or does the sweet talk gets to you? i would just tell him you want to take it slow and change a lil on your sex life. but what i don't get is are you still with your hubby or not? cause you just said (he's not around due to the distance between us) not just that men think with their manhood anyway. you can take distance in different ways like my hubby he works on the road, or are love isn't in the right area right now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • oh and although you have regrets for not saying no know that your not alone and that it's cause you have been hurt. it's not your fault entirely. i think this sin can be forgiven and it doesn't make you who you truly are. which inside i'm sure your beautiful just like the rest of us girls. men are the problem.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:10 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • to clear things up no the sweet talk doesnt get to me I'm just really afraid to say no. I didn't want to sleep with that guy btw i don't see him anymore I couldn't take it so i started ignoring his calls n texts. And when I say the distance between me and my son's father i mean that we're in 2 totally different states... 600 miles apart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Sweetie, you are having a hard time determining your own boundaries. The sexual abuse you had as a child has numbed your ability to take a stand and to listen to your own inner voice. You can say no. And you will be OK. Most men are not rapists. It is your choice and no one else's. The next time you are out on a date with a guy - focus hard on what you are feeling and what YOU want. Make it a goal that you will not have sex with a guy until you've dated them for at least 3 months. Even if you like them a lot. Get to know them very well so you will feel safe. A good man will respect your wishes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • well sweetie it 2009 make a goal for yourself to change that kind of habit, or put money in a pig bank when a guy trys to make a move with sex and if you turn it down put money in there and then when you have it fill take your self out on a pamper day.. i bet you would get rich fast
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I've never been raped, but I've been in situations with guys where I didn't necessarily want to be sexual with them but I was afraid to say no for fear of rejection. That was in my teens although if I wasn't in an almost 5 year committed relationship I worry that I may have those same self esteem issues if I ever found myself in that situation again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • To analyze and judge you is not fair. But I think you are probably a classy girl that just needs direction, a plan to find Mr. Right and not keep on hoping for the best by opening up yourself to these men that just want sex. You want and should demand respect first. No matter how beautiful, men do not respect women that give it up so quick. They always get bored and move on to the new girl. Believe me. All you get is reputation and their friends and cousins and buddies latching on for the next sexual fix.Good Luck.
    jareda69

    Answer by jareda69 at 2:54 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

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