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Something I am thinking about...

My 7 year old, who we've had since birth, was asking why her 3 year old brother has two middle names. I explained to her that we first met his birth mom the day we picked him up to bring him home at 4 weeks old. He already had a legal name, and that day we discussed the name issue with his birth mom. We suggested using the name we had picked out, and keeping his first name as one of his middle names. His birth mom liked that idea and liked the name we had picked out, so we did a legal name change when the adoption was finalized.

Our daughter's name was chosen by us and her birth mom before she was born. She loved the name we had picked out. We had asked what name she would have chosen, and she said she would have used her mother's first name. In the hospital, she gave our daughter the name DH and I had chosen and we all discussed before she was born.

DD was really just jealous that her brother has two middle names and she has one, like she got short-changed. We told her that her birth mom had thought of naming her after her Grandma, and she likes the idea of adding that as a second middle name. At this point she hasn't asked about changing it legally, and really doesn't even know that is a possibility.

I'm just curious what other adoptive moms would do if an older child requested a legal name change (not a foster-adopt situation). Would you do it if a seven year old requested it just because little brother has two middle names and she has one? Would you wait until she is older to see how serious she is? Like I said, she hasn't requested it. I'm just curious what other moms would do if the child did request it.

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Iamgr8teful

Asked by Iamgr8teful at 11:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2012 in Adoption

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Answers (5)
  • I'm not an adopted mom but I think it would be a good idea to wait till she's older to legalize any name changes. Like you said she's 7. She may not like it when she's older and other kids don't have 2 middle names. It sounds like she wants to just because her brother does, that might change when she's older. I'd wait :) Good luck!
    janderson595

    Answer by janderson595 at 4:36 PM on Feb. 4, 2012

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  • My answer doesn't involve adoption but a child requesting to add /change their name.My 15 y.o.son wants to change his first with his middle.That was to have been his name but I was pressured to rearrange his name to give tribute to a family member.Funny thing both names are family names.He prefers to be called by his middle ,the first is semi dorky,he has been called by his middle since K or first.We are going to legally change his name during his soph high school year,next year.We want his PSATs ,SATs ,ACT scores to be recorded with the same name as his applications ,smoother college transition etc.If we were to wait till he is an adult it could cause problems


    . Perhaps call her by both middle names from now on ,tell her teachers ,scout leaders or whomever also.Then as she starts high school if she still feels strongly do it.Or do it now ,what is it going to hurt.Good luck ; )
    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 5:12 PM on Feb. 4, 2012

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  • We are going to change my son's name. If I wasn't so lazy I would do it now. My son's birth mother had a first and middle name on the birth cirtificate. We agreed by phone she could do a first name. And we all were expecting a girl. It was a boy. She had first and middle and last on the form. We kept the first and ditched the middle. It was not a name I liked. We picked our own middle. Now my son goes by his middle name and mostly always has. I call him by his first name quite frequently and he knows how he got his name. I have felt guilty for ridding him of his initial middle name. My plan is to change it the first time he gives the go ahead. So he will have two middle names. Recently he asked to only be called by his first name. It is interesting but he has the right to his name. We explained it will take time for everyone to get used to it. Then he switched again. It's okay.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:57 AM on Feb. 5, 2012

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  • I anticipatited he would do this and go back and forth. A bit like experimenting with identity. I'll call him whatever he wants and I will request his teachers do the same. There will come a time when he settles on one name but I doubt at five it will be soon. I encourage him to try on all those different hats. It just depends on his mood. Until then I mix it up.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:00 AM on Feb. 5, 2012

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  • I'm not an adopted mom but I think it would be a good idea to wait till she's older to legalize any name changes
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 11:13 AM on Feb. 9, 2012

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