Paying or not for college

We have a only child. She is in her 2nd yr of a private very, very expensive college. She was always a hard worker at grades (with us pressuring), rather introverted, and a homebody so this college was a very good fit. It is also only 60 miles from home. My husband is close to retirement, although I am away from that by over 10 yrs I only work part time. We are middle income people. We could only afford this college by selling some property we had. We were happy to do this if she abiding by a few rules. One was making a 3.5 GPA (which is within her ability), going to all classes (unless sick) and not drinking alcohol till she at least 21.

Last yr was wonderful. She came home most week-ends even tho we encouraged her to stay and try and make more friends. Her first semester GPA was 3.75 and 2nd was 4.0 This year she has made a few more good friends, but has met a guy. He is also at this college. He is a drinker. She doesn't come home as much and insists she is not drinking. Pictures on Facebook led us to believe maybe she is not being honest. She appears to going out somewhere almost every night. Her course of study is hard and requires ALOT of studying. Her GPA 1st semester was 3.4. We talked to her over winter break and told her the GPA can not fall anymore or she is going to have to find a way to pay for her future college years. We simply can't afford this private school and reduce our standard of living for our retirement years if she is not giving 110%. I am afraid this GPA is not going to be what we agreed upon and my gut instinct tells me she is drinking and partying although I have no proof.

If pulled our funding I don't possibly see how she could get student loans to cover this college. I did not go to college so have no idea how a student with no income gets loans.

What would you do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Feb. 4, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

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If she doesn't do what you asked her to then you shouldn't continue paying. She'll learn quickly not to take it for granted.

Answer by MrsMWF at 9:21 PM on Feb. 4, 2012
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Id ask myself what the odds would be of her paying for it herself vs dropping out and never finishing her degree program. Then Id ask myself which I could live with.

Answer by gemgem at 9:24 PM on Feb. 4, 2012
Credits: 147884 Level 42 Adult Children (18+) Minor

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if her school load is that heavy, is she working to finance her partying..or are you financing that, too?
i'd tell her to finish this semester to prove herself to you and your agreement. what she does with that would be a big lesson in personal responsibility..and yes, she can get student loans. i'd suggest to her that she start looking into it.
be firm with your checks and your word.
she may be a big girl and want to behave like one...let her prove she can handle it.
btw..your retirement is more important at this point, because she is young has years ahead to repay a student loan. yes the interests are high and it may take a while, but you are on the downhill of your life..and your retirement is not going to be replaced or added to, at this point. right?
put your foot down..or stop with the financing.

Answer by dullscissors at 9:30 PM on Feb. 4, 2012
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I would follow through with the agreement. Don't make accusations you can't prove. If she is drinking and partying too much, her grades will suffer, so you don't even really need to know in order to have a consequence...

Answer by figaro8895 at 9:53 PM on Feb. 4, 2012
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My daughter is going through college as a premed on federal loan. She (like your daughter would) applies through the FAFSA website. My daughter's gpa fell to a 3.2 from a 3.8. She is very dedicated, but the drop is due to organic chemistry (which is one of hardest weedout courses. She is aspiring for med school which is competitive at 3.8. She is only allowed to repeat two courses. So she'll do this closer to graduation.

As for myself, she is my only child. Whatever the.case is, if she gets in or not (maybe distraction), I don't want to cut her short to the potential. My goal is to reevaluate my position as her mom to find an answer of the merit of college versus the downfallen economy. I just want to see her grow and grow and grow (or give me healthy grandchildren as an alternate).

Answer by BlueSaphire at 10:48 PM on Feb. 4, 2012
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I worked my way through college and made dean's list. It can be done. My husband did the same. You are doing her a favor. You paying her college is a privileged, not a right. It isn't something you HAVE to do. The money should be set on what ever terms you want, not what she wants.

Personally, I plan on doing what my parents did for me--make me work for it myself. Now if my child falls short and needs help, I will gladly help, but the bulk of it will be on him. I know many might think it unfair, but everyone I knew at college who were the partyers, were the ones who had someone paying for college for them. The ones who paid their own way were the studiers.

Answer by layh41407 at 11:14 PM on Feb. 4, 2012
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The first thing I would do is have her fill out FAFSA, she may get some money from the government either way but if you stop paying, she can get student loans.

Answer by JLS2388 at 6:40 AM on Feb. 5, 2012
Credits: 24567 Level 25 Adult Children (18+) Minor

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Try not to worry so much! Your daughter is doing an AWESOME job in school, give yourself some credit:) You raised a good egg, and even if she is partying a little, so long as she maintains her grades I would keep her in school. If you specifically told her you would not pay for it if she is drinking and you find out she is, you should stick to your word though.

Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:42 AM on Feb. 6, 2012
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Controlling much? If I were your daughter I'd get a job, declare myself on my own and apply to college on my own. She'll get grants and loans and yes, she will have to pay them back but at least she will be her own person! And, btw, my sons are all in their 20's, paid for their own educations and we NEVER interfered with their adult lives once they graduated from high school. They appreciate our treating them like the adults they are!

Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Feb. 9, 2012

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You put down rules and she does t abide by them. Pull her funding of College. Then make her move out.

Answer by louise2 at 2:33 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
Credits: 60092 Level 33 Adult Children (18+) 101

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