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my 14 year old daughter....

Yesterday I was cleaning my 14 year old daughter's room and under her bed I found a shoe box with alot of disturbing things in it. I found pictures of her with and older man looked as if he were in his late 30's the pictures were the two of them like in a room Im thinking in a hotel room or somewhere like that , I found lingerie and sex toys and even some money.I found love letters.. I was in shock.. I confronted her when she got home from "tutoring" which I know now has to be a lie. She just brushed me off and screamed at me and told me to stop snoopying around in her room. I really dont know what to do next. I want o be a good mother but I feel like I already failed.. What should I do? I am completely losted.. All I do is cry

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Jan. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • Where is the father? Ask her if you two can sit down and have a nice long talk. Dont yells at her just talk calmly. You havent failed. She is a teenager. She has her own mind. She does what she wants. All you can do is guide her to make the right decisions n that is all you can do as a parent.
    aznblond9

    Answer by aznblond9 at 3:59 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • When does she have the opportunity to be with this man or with any man? Take away every opportunity that she might have. If she has to go to tutoring, take her, wait for her, and bring her home. Get a copy of EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE and read it together with her. A fourteen-year old is still a child, and if you can get a bead on who this man is, you can put him in jail for all kinds of felony charges. Collect what's in that box as evidence.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:59 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Think back to when she would have had access to be w/ this man.. I'm soo sorry you are going through this.. You haven't failed as being a mom.. I would start from now on by asking as many questions as to when, where, why, and with who.. IF she has a problem answering these questions then she doesn't go! Plain and simple.. Good luck!
    honeys_sugamama

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 4:00 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • i would take the pictures to the police and have this man found and brought to justice. the police could post his picture on tv and say that he being charged for child abuse and sexual acts. i would seriously ground your child and for now on tell her that she is not to have privacy any more that she has lost your trust and maybe consider putting her away in a clinical psych ward. this is serious and should be treated as so. she needs to learn why she shouldn't do these things and the man should be stopped from doing this to other kids. i would have her somehow trap this guy. she could easily run away with this man but locked up she couldn't and she would learn about herself and why she does things. it helped me out.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:06 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • if i were you i would ask her qustions try to find this man or call the police " child abuse" i would homeschool her take away her cellphone computer camra, everything!!!! tell her that you are sooo mad at her that she dissapointed you. YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!i would slap her!!!! but thats just me.........
    homeschool23

    Answer by homeschool23 at 4:08 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I would call the police and show the police the pictures of the man so they can figure out who it is. I would also say you dont know why she was with him. I would also get her into some counseling, on birth control and ground her until she learned some respect.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:19 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • My son is 14, and his butt wouldn't leave the house.....EVER!!!
    You are completely resposible for keeping this LITTLE GIRL safe. Do what you gotta do. --- If that means total lock-down, then so be it.
    She has totally lost your trust, and she needs to do everything she can to rebuild it. Until then, there are no freedoms. Where she goes, you go!! -- If she has friends that are a bad influence on her, then she can't see them anymore.
    If you don't stop this NOW, you will lose her for good!!!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 4:50 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • By 14 I was already doing "porn" for money. I loved it. And sold it to older men most of the time. My mother found out and TRIED to stop me (she was the "total lockdown" type)... I ran away and almost ended up dead... I have been raped and abused... Now, my mother and I only talk when she calls... I hate her! She ruined my life in so many ways... If you want to keep your daugher, talk to her don't go crazy... the more you try to threatin and punish the further away you will push her...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I'm with Anon... I did a very similar thing as a teen... And yes, my mother found the stuff the same way you did. By snooping. Now, we rarely talk... I don't see your daughter doing anything most teens don't do. Sorry, but that's how it is now adays... The harder you squeeze the further she's gonna run... IF you want to salvage this you need to talk to her and see what's going on. Make her understand why you are worried. And work WITH her to make things change!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 5:08 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • i have to disagree with some of he previous posters...MOST teens at 14 DO Not do this......If they do..something is wrong somewhere...U are the mom.........U have to act like the mom..U didn't fail....don't feel that way...You need to seriously talk to some counselors at school or better yet on your own...She is obviously feeling like she wants attention....Negative attention to a teen is the same as positive attention.......I'd freak if I found that kind of crap in my dd's rooms......You need professional help...Just don't listen to ppl saying that kids do this ALL the time...!!! ..Although I do agree NOT to freak and to talk.......You will chase her away if you freak, that is for sure.......
    dottief13

    Answer by dottief13 at 6:39 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

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