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Need some unbiased insight! PLEASE!

This is kind of just a vent, so bear with me! I'm so annoyed with my husband! He is usually great, but he made what I consider to be a selfish decision and I'm having trouble getting over it! We are struggling BIG TIME! right now financially and he went and spent $100 on something that he won't be able to use for another year, and I seriously doubt he will ever use it. I need new clothes, glasses, we have $900 on a credit card that is in my parents' names, and we are $1000 (yes, three zeros!) behind on our electricity bill! I'm so annoyed, but I hate being mad at him! Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Jan. 16, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Tell him, "Hey, I don't want to be mean and I don't want to fight, but we have to be careful. We are not in the best shape financially and we have to make the best decisions possible so we don't end up in bigger trouble than we're in. If you don't want me to go back to work, then we need to discuss purchases over $20 and really stick to a budget. It really hurt my feelings that you made such a big purchase that I feel is unnecessary right now without even thinking to ask me." Be polite about it, use as much "I feel" and "I think" and "we" as you can- try to avoid saying "you" this or that, or he may become defensive and not see what you are trying to say. Best of luck.
    mommy2danica

    Answer by mommy2danica at 4:55 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • What did he buy? And why did he feel that he need it so bad?
    CorCorsmomma

    Answer by CorCorsmomma at 4:39 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • i went through the exact same thing with my husband! you have to sit down and show him the numbers. men dont get it when you talk about it, they just assume youre nagging. you need to sit down and show him an entire budget plan including what you need to pay off and how much you plan to pay each month for that, and then you need to show him what "extra" money you have. maybe this will help him realize that you dont have the money he thinks you have. i know my dh assumed because there was money in the bank that we could just spend it, and it wasnt until i showed him the facts that he stopped wasting money. tell him if theres something he really wants you can put $10 a paycheck away for it, and when its built up enough, then you can spend it. good luck!
    Amanduhpanda

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 4:41 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Well, I would start off with telling him how mad you are..You have every right to be mad at him. Especially if he didnt talk to you about it first. Its throwing $$$ away if he wont be using it at all etc. He needs to worry abou paying off some of those bills instead of wasting money like a teenager with no worries. Im sorry but that was stupid on his part. If that was me, I would just go and get your glasses and clothes. What can he say at this point? You gave up things for yourself for the sake of having bills, if he doesnt care about it then why should you? Maybe when he sees that money is leaving faster then its coming he will realize what he did!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I don't know, that is kind of hard. My husband works and I only work part time from home, but I control the finances. So I would say just talk to him, I know that sounds really bad considering your standpoint and it is the last thing you want to do. Hitting him over the head sounds like a much better idea, but see how he feels, and tell him how you feel. Maybe he just doesn't know the severity of the situation. ~God Bless~and good luck~
    ketha04

    Answer by ketha04 at 4:43 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • you have a right to be mad at him he need to understand that there are more important things that need to be taken care of i hoped you had a nice talk with him to remind him of the bills can you take whatever he brought back to the store
    symle456

    Answer by symle456 at 4:44 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Maybe he is depressed about your finances and bought something that made him feel good, even if only temporarily. Without knowing what he bought it's hard to say but many times people use shopping as a way to fill a hole in their life, like some people use food, drugs or alcohol. Sounds like you have every right to ask him to return it and try to figure out the emotion that triggered the purchase. Best wishes for a happier tomorrow.
    LoveIsCool

    Answer by LoveIsCool at 4:48 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • He bought a "bow" for deer hunting! Now take into consideration that we've been together nine years (married 8) and he's NEVER hunted! I am exactly where you are, Ketha. I'm a SAHM that controls the finances. HOWEVER, it was a mutual choice for me to stay home. As a matter of fact, I've "threatened" to get an outside job if things don't improve for us, and he is deadset against it! So what gives!?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I wanted to have a "nice" talk with him when I found out, but I was too mad at the time. I know when it is best not to say anything or else I will make the situation worse! So, he had to go to work with me not even talking to him. He bought it from some guy at work, so returning it is not an option.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Yes a bow when he's never hunted does sound odd. I suspect he was feeling the pressure of life and ebt and bought something that made him feel in charge and feel good. He may need to feel in charge. Instead of setting him down and lecturing him, ask him for his advice concerning finances. Don't mention the bow, He knows he bought it. Show him the state of the finances and ask him to help list the needs by priority. Which should be bought first, your glasses or paying the electric bill. Let him work it out, let him feel that he is the one making decisions. If he realizes the bow wasn't a good idea after all that would be a plus, but don't you bring it up.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:54 PM on Jan. 16, 2009