Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


Do women put up with a cheating or an abusive man?
Please enlighten me because I was 7 months pregnant when I left my S/O for cheating and didn't care I had nothing to offer my child. The last thing I need is a disease living in me because he couldn't keep it in his pants.
Shed some light on why they stay with them. I mean if your doing nothing but crying everyday what is the purpose.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Jan. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • i was in this situation. well sort of. he didnt cheat on me, but he may as well have, he hurt my emotions and trust just the same. Its hard for some women to leave because some men can sense the inseurities in these women, and they use that to their advantage. I was stuck with him because i didnt know what else to do, and i hoped that things would get better and i would give it just one more time for him to hurt me...over and over again. He finally was pulled out of my life, and since he doesnt have the influence over me that he did, i was able to move on and take care of my life, and fix the one he was destroying.

    Answer by soldiermom1986 at 8:42 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • sweetheart its more than that my ex would beat the hell out of me I call the cops he spent the night in jail and be right back out think about it have you ever had a man put a gun to your head and tell you he has nothing to loose and he will kill you before he lets you go and you have and looked in a mans eyes that said that and you see that he means it please dont judge thank god when I was preg the hospital helped me and he did 5 years


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I have no idea it could be many things to that makes a women feel like she should stay. They stay for children or maybe they are afraid to leave or it could be just they still love them and can not let go. it sounds like a silly excuse but that may be the case.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • I am impressed by your actions. Many, including me, would have lived in denial while being in emotional pain and fear of catching that disease. I have come a long way but I still can vividly imagine how I would fee guilty, like it was my fault. It has taken years to get beyond people pleasing and being easily manipulated to take responsibility for others' feelings and behavior. Every woman doesn't have healthy disinct emotional and physical boundries. Sad, but true. Those women need an external force or power to give them permission or help them take action, even when they know in their heart what is best.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 8:51 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Anon, I don't want to judge. Honestly I want to understand. Your situation is much more then I could ever think of but getting away while he was away wasn't an option? I mean if he left to go to work just pack up and leave somewhere he couldn't have found you? I don't know. Things like this seem so easy to me. I'm trying to learn not judge anyone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • Answering this question may be too general. Unfortunately, the same question can be, why do women cheat? I don't want this to sound heartless, but it iseasier to be objective when not in the middle of a situation. First, I am sorry that your heart is broken. The pain and betrayal of your vows are real. But you are stronger than you think even if you don't feel that you are right now. First, step back at look at your relationship from the beginning. Were there signs back then, and you just pushed them aside? Some will never be able to be loyal to one woman. Sometimes they are driven away. Pressures and/or responsibilities make men look for an "escape" from reality. Now realize that I am not making excuses, but your question is why. Your relationship is specific, yet not unusual. You should have a one on one conversation. The healing process takes time and different for all. In Christ


    Answer by sa2825 at 9:16 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • A lot of the women have no where to go. He's told them he will find them and kill them, or he will kill their family/friends/children. Lots of them have been beaten down emotionally and physically and believe this is the best that life is, and that it's their fault, if they'd have just done this or that he wouldn't be so mean. I think men seek particular women out that have that dominance in them or maybe they like to see if they can break her spirit. It's sad, but there's so many reasons why they stay. Read the papers and online and you can get an idea... they're scared because so many of the people aren't just saying the words, they're doing what they said they would when she leaves.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:21 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • To sa2825: she didn't ask WHY he cheated. She asked why women stay with a cheating dog-man?

    I'm with the questioner. Why do women stay with men who abuse and cheat on them? Mine cheated and abused me and I left. plain and simple. They don't deserve us and we don't deserve to be treated like that. There is much better out in the world and we good women deserve to have the best, not the bottom dwellers who treat us disrespectfully. If anyone says they stay bc of love, that's bs. ABUSE IS NOT LOVE it is trauma bonding and obsessive control /manipulation.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:24 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • My friend is like this. She is constantly in a bad situation. She won't do anything about it. She has this NEED to have a man in her life. It doesn't matter who or how shitty they are as long as they are giving her some sort of attention. The worse the guy the longer she stays. This last one has been the worst yet. She has 2 kids from a previous relationship. She likes to feel needed and like she is doing something to help him. She thinks that she gets to see some sensitive part of these men that no one knows about. The problem is that she has herself convinced that his controlling her is actually love and he tells her what to do out of concern for her. Its bullshit and I just come from a different world and will never fully comprehend a woman allowing abuse to continue.

    Answer by stephgood1 at 11:13 PM on Jan. 16, 2009

  • have some one hold a gun to your head and tell you if u leave ur eaving in a body bag and you may understand y women say i think this is a very judgemental question seriously get really im glad that you were able to leave easily but sometimes its not that easy it took my ex getting sent to prison for a very long time for me to get away from him

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:05 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.