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I have a 12 year old that just doesn't care.

My 12 year old is always mad. Everytime I talk to her she gives me the "whatever" look. She always assumes we are going to blame her for something. She is rude and disrespectful most of the time. When she is having a good day she is the nicest kid ever. I am just so tired of trying to make her happy when it seems she is trying so hard to be unhappy. I have taken away play dates and ipod, but she doesn't care. She has no problem screaming how much she hates everyone in our family. Although she denies it later. I just dont know what to do

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Coffeegal

Asked by Coffeegal at 1:38 AM on Jan. 17, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • I answered a question like this a few days ago but concerning a boy, same age. What I told that mom is check out who your child's friends are and if they behave the same way. Is she usingdrugs? smoking? Is there a boyfriend she's trying to impress? Is she having problems at school. I wound up sending my son to his dad's for a year because I was going through the exact same thing. For my child it was all of the reasons I just mentioned so I felt getting him away from the problem would help. It worked wonders for my son so I plan on moving away from this neighborhood as soon as my DD is done this school year. I hope you can figure out how to help your DD with all the problems. Good Luck.

    BooBear666

    Answer by BooBear666 at 2:01 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Although I believe all of the above answer should be taken into consideration...I have the very same problem with my DD. I truly believe it is the age. I really try to take into consideration what she is going through...hormones, peers, school and especially the high expectations that her parents put on her. Just give it time...I know realizing that she was going to start going through changes, Ihave been talking a lot more with my DD just her and I and told her every day how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her. My advice even though it maight be hard to praise her when she might not be the best person that she could be but Praise, Praise, Praise her and help see her through this rough patch in her life. Good Luck!:)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I agree with Anon - even if it's very hard advice to follow. Take the high road. Spend some time every week playing with her (a game, cards, something) just to make her the center of attention for an hour.
    3gymnastsmom

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 9:44 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • It's her age, most kids have done the same thing at her age. unless you have reason to believe that she is on drugs (sudden seclusion, funky smelling clothes, rapid weight gain or loss, memory lapses, a sudden drop in grades, skipping school and the like) I would just remind her that she ma hate you, but that you love her, and when she is ready to let you know what is going on so that you can help her, you will be there to listen.
    TempestRayne

    Answer by TempestRayne at 2:27 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • have you considered ADD? my nephew has it and it causes a lot of behavior issues. when he's on his meds he's a totally different kid. But, when he has to go without i'd like to choke him lol
    patience_now

    Answer by patience_now at 5:29 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I just answered a question like this about a 10 yr girl... I have one as well... same issue. At 12, she's probably hormonal... have some 1 on 1 time alone just you and her. Listen to what she is saying - listen between the lines.. you know your child... you know what she is trying to get accross to you and get her some chocolate (just trying to make a little joke although I KNOW how serious this can be).
    kristi729

    Answer by kristi729 at 11:11 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • It sounds like you are saying that you can talk to her rationally when she is not being emotional, and at those times she is rational and sweet. I think it is the age....but of course, that doesn't mean that we have to allow the behavior. I think you should talk to her when she is not in a bad mood about how it affects everyone when she is like that. See what she says. And in the meantime, have fun with her whenever you can! Don't lose sight of the sweet girl you know she can be, and don't lose out on the relationship you can have,because that is your best chance at influencing her behavior as she grows up!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 10:40 AM on Jan. 20, 2009

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