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How do I change this situation?

My husband regularly schedules out of town trips with his buddies, just for fun. His most recent lasted three weeks. He tells me that I could do it too if I wanted, but I feel guilty leaving him and my kids for any extended period of time, just for fun. I want to share my good times with my family, not my buddies. Every time he goes somewhere I get resentful and we have a major blowout when he gets home. Am I overreacting?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 AM on Jan. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Honestly, 3 weeks is not a "break" it is a full blown leave of abscence,IMO.I would have a talk w/him about what you both think is reasonable.A guys weekend, every few months is cool, maybe 1 time a yr a week.I would not like it if my guy wanted to spend so much vacation time w/others,what does that say to the kids?KWIM?No you are not overreacting but try talking about it before he goes, don't wait to blow up after boiling all that time.Good luck.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 2:01 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • No you're not overreacting! Your husband is acting like a bachellor with no responsibilities! Are you sure he's with his buddies and not someone else? I don't mean to accuse him of being unfaithful, but this sure sounds like a big red flag to me! I think I would be devising a wake-up call for him by taking a trip of my own. I'd really think about doing some nosing around.

    Answer by rafasconejita at 2:02 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • WOW, 3 weeks when he has a family?? Does he know what the word priorities is? That is damn selfish and I'd be so mad! Tell him NO MORE 3 weeker's or your gone!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • While I truly believe that everyone needs their it alone or with their friends....three weeks is insane. There is no reason for him to be gone that long. It sounds like you need to sit down and seriously, yet calmly talk to him about this. If that doesn't work....leave for three weeks....I am willing to bet that he won't be so okay with it when you are getting ready to walk out the door and leave everything in his hands.

    Answer by anetrnlov at 7:41 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • No you are not over reacting. It sounds like he still act as he is still single.

    Answer by MisV at 8:00 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Next time your husband wants a weekend with buddies you could always go or ask him to make it a weekend away with you. If that doens't work, and you have someone to stay with the children, take a friend and go someplace you would like to see. I use to do what you are doing, all we ever did was fight, I started to take some time for myself and it showed him, that I didn't need him to have a good time, I told him that I love him but I needed time to. Guess what, now he doesn't go with they boys so much anymore and he wants to go places with the family. It might not work for everyone but, hey you have nothing to loose. Keep your chin up. I hope things work out.

    Answer by mrssniffles at 8:02 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I don't think you are overreacting at all! Three weeks is a vacation! Way too long for daddy to be gone. I don't see the harm in a guys night or weekend out, occasionally.

    As for you and your guilt about going...let it go, sister. As long as your babies are in good hands, have a good time. Granted, you don't need to be out for weeks, but enjoy yourself. Mom's deserve it.

    Women who are wives and mothers focus so much on their families. So much of our lives and energy is geared towards them, and that is the way it should be. We take care of those we love. But every now and again we need to take a step back and give ourselves a little TLC. I think it makes me a better mother, whenI feel refreshed.

    Answer by CaseyErin at 9:12 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • An evening or day out with friends is one thing... maybe even a weekend trip to some special something (like hunting/fishing/camping or whatever is his thing) but if my hubby was gone very much let alone for almost a month I'd be wondering who she is that's he's with. Your man may be totally trustworthy, am not saying he's cheating but my hubby doesn't volunteer to go that long without sex. I'd be doing some nosing around because he's acting like he's a single man. Am curious tho, on these long trips away from home, how's the bills getting paid if they're as frequent as it sounds from your post?

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:17 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • No you are not over reacting... any out of town trips we do are spent together, and we'd never do it any other way. Why wouldn't we want to share those things together... see things and enjoy things together? And I have to agree with every poster that said 3 weeks is a long trip out of town. And it sounds a little... off. If my b/f was hanging out with buddies for that long with out me... I'd either be making gay jokes... or wondering if hes cheating. Besides... hes not going to have a great bond with the kids leaving like that JUST BECAUSE.

    Answer by dtetz at 9:33 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I think 3 weeks is excessive. It's late here and I'm tired, and that might be contributing to this answer, but I think I would take him up on it a couple of times - for JUST AS LONG - going to the same place or similar (or, if he's going someplace you don't like or want to go/do, then something comparable to what he did / spent).

    When he walks in the door from his trip, give him a rundown on whats going on with the family (Tommy is grounded for 3 more days, Sally has a project due on Friday, we're about out of milk... ), then give him a kiss, tell him you love him, and that you'll see him in a month...

    Then, GO!

    I'm thinking after a few times experiencing things from your end, he might be a little more willing to talk about the situation.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:56 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

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