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why cant i be close to my husband again?

we were going to get a divorce cause he kept cheating and lying to me about lots of stuff including finances. we were apart for about 8 months then we decided to give it one more try he lives in another town and i will be moving in with him next month but now im having second thoughts. i cant stand being in the same room with him and when he touches me is like torture. i forgiven him for the wrongs on his part and he has forgiven me for the stupid stuff i did. how do i get back to the being love part again or can i? i think part of me has put up this wall with him cause he hurt me so bad

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jan. 17, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • IF THE THOUGHT OF HIS TOUCHING YOU IS LIKE TORTURE HE MIGHT HAVE KILKLED THE LOVE YOU ONCE FELT, I HAPPENS, A RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH. ONCE THAT TRUST IS LOST IN A RELATIONSHIP, IT IS REALLY HARD TO GET IT BACK IF AT ALL, AND WE ALL KNOW TRUST IS A SIGNIFICANT CONPONENT OF A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU THINK YOU STILL LOVE HIM AND WANT TO TRY TO GET BACK WHAT YOU HAD, GO TALK TO A FAMILY COUNSELOR AND GIVE IT YOUR ALL. IF AFTER THAT YOU STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY, THEN MAKE PLANS TO START OVER WITHOUT HIM, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:41 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I am not sure how to answer this question. But I am just stopping by to at least show you some support. And so you knew that people aren't just ignoring the question. IMO if this was me in the situation I would talk to your husband. Tell him everything you feel. Then with all that being out in the open I would try to start over. I mean completely over. Pretend you just met him. Get to re know who he is. And make this time period a free to say whatever or even change things about yourself if that's how you have changed. Does that make sense? Hopefully you two can reconnect and get to know who you both have become. Good Luck!!!
    eku_mommy

    Answer by eku_mommy at 10:28 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Why, if you feel this way, would you move back in with him? Listen to your instincts, it seems to me that you aren't completely positive he will change his ways. You are worth way more then putting yourself through it again.
    MomShawn70

    Answer by MomShawn70 at 10:28 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Honestly I think the best way is to accept that your relationship is forever changed. You can not go back to the way things were before everything happened that changed how you see him and how he sees you. This does not mean that there isn't any hope for your relationship it just means that it's going to be different now. You have to let go of the past and move on, what happened in the past is in the past. Nothing you can do to change any of it so let it go. cont.
    norbert

    Answer by norbert at 10:40 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Also if you spend your time worrying about what may or may not happen in the future you will miss out on your life. Try not to focus on trying to control things you have no control over. Live your life one day at a time and take things as they come. Don't try to anticipate/plan for future events that may never occur. Keep in mind that all life situations are temporary nothing is forever. How you choose to think and feel about what is happening right here and now will determine how you live your life.
    norbert

    Answer by norbert at 10:40 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • If he really loves you he will understand that it's hard for a woman to let a man touch her knowing that he's touched someone else. I'd feel the same way. The love and trust has to be earned back, it doesn't come easily or more would try to do it.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:48 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • What he did was shatter every dream you had of him and hurt you. You need to heal from this before going back if you feel the way you do. Don't go back if you are that unsure, it will only be worse on you.You need to get your life in order, trying to put things behind you, give yourself time and go from there. I didn't say put them away because you can't, you have to find a way to live with it if you still want him in your life.Don't think of him and his feelings, think of yours and what you want.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 11:15 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • You have forgiven, but not forgotten, what he did to you to shatter your intimacy. Of course you don't want him to touch you, he betrayed you.
    I know it sounds cruel, but once a cheater, always a cheater. You are afraid of trusting him for very good reasons, he isn't worthy of your trust. If you are doing this for your children you are not doing them any favors. Children deserve to see what a healthy relationship looks like. If you don't have children I can't imagine why on earth you would put yourself in this position.
    I really don't mean to cause pain, but my advice is run for your life. You only get X number of days on this earth and you deserve to be happy.
    LoveIsCool

    Answer by LoveIsCool at 11:32 AM on Jan. 17, 2009

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