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How would you handle this?...girls pursuing my 13 yr old son, and texting, and age for dating?
He is in 8th grade...but he looks 16. Tall, dark, muscular, deep voice, and very handsome, smart, funny, and a bit goofy. At a school dance, he was approached by a girl who was "the spokesperson" for all those at the dance interested in my son! There were about 8 different girls, and some were texting him after the dance, each hoping he would choose them! He played it cool, and the girl he apparently really likes said no to "going out" with him because she didn't want to hurt her best friend, who also likes my son. So...he asked another girl who he has known since 3rd grade. Our rule is no one on one dating until 15/16, if we feel he's mature enough. No one on one "hanging out", even in our homes. Already the drama predicts to be too much...my son's good friend is getting in trouble with his parents for secretly texting a girl and telling her he loves her and wants to kiss her.
We have a transparency rule with the phone at this point, and we read texts, but him texting this girl (or anyone, really) all the time spells potential trouble in our view...
We don't want to make a huge deal of this, or spend too much time defending our views of dating too early. What kind of boundaries do you set with this age, taking into account how early some teens are getting romantic, etc?
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Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Feb. 10, 2012 in Teens (13-17)
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IF my kids are interested in a "bf/gf" before 15, I will let them come over to our house on occasion to play video games, watch a movie, etc. because I have 5 kids - they won't have a chance to be alone! And I will allow them to go to movies, bowling, etc. with a group of people starting in 8th grade, as long as I approve of their friends and they are keeping good grades, making responsible decisions, etc.
I really think parents of teen girls need to reign their girls in! My daughter is 10 and still thinks boys are gross, but most often these days it seems to be girls that are the aggressors. I think their parents need to know what's happening and lay some ground rules. Granted, I'm in my late 30s but I wasn't even allowed to call a guy I liked on the phone unless he called me first!
I don't think your rules are too strict, but I would reconsider the hanging out - even if you just invite a group over instead of one on onFound an answer to your question?
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No phone. a 13 year old does not need one. At that age they should still be supervised wherever they areFound an answer to your question?
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How often would you think would be appropriate to either visit or get together in a group?
Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:37 AM on Feb. 10, 2012
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My son is also 13 and in 8th grade. He has always been a charmer since he was a toddler. He does have a cell phone because he needs it. They leave for school at 7 am and the bus stop is down the road. The middle school is 5 miles away on the border of the next town and we have had some problems with bus drivers.
At this stage they don't date, but they do go to the burger or pizza joint in groups as well as the movies. They are not allowed to go out with just 1 person, unless it is of the same sex. They can do group stuff in a coed situation, but never alone.Found an answer to your question?
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Getting together in a group is ok but I'd make sure there is some adult supervision, kids can easily start out in a group and end up in a twosome. Also make sure your son knows what you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate behavior for his age. I agree that girls are more aggressive these days but then so are a lot of boys. Attitudes about a lot of things are way different these days. My dd has several friends that have had and do have sex with their boyfriends (keep in mind that the bf one week may not be the same a week or two later) and think nothing of it. These girls are 13-14 yrs old and one is 12. Pretty sad.Found an answer to your question?
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For my son, it's a non issue, he flat out tells the pushy girls that 1. he is NOT allowed to date until he is 16 and 2. He would NOT date anyone who is being pushy. My son has had girls hounding him for the last 3 years and it actually irritates him. When he is ready and over the age of 16, it will be his choice who he dates (with my help, of course.). He is pretty adamant in what he is looking for in a girl and the standards are pretty high.Found an answer to your question?
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You know, I do agree that girls need to be talked to about sex. I was taught old fashion values. I was taught it was a good thing, that it made you desirable to wait untill marriage. Believing that really did keep me from having sex earlier. I think girls are getting the message that its cool to act sexual. That, that makes you the IT girl. Its sad really. I think maybe some parents are thinking its the boys you have to worry about being pushy for sex but Hello, girls have hormones too and if they aren't taught right by thier friends and family they will latch on to how the world and the media says girls should act which couldn't be further from the truth. I think the key is to really get the girls to believe that being a virgin is a good thing and that oral sex is also still sex. Its crazy (and sad) how kids think about thing these days. Boys should be taught this too but don't think girls can't be just as bad.Found an answer to your question?
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I get that sex is natural and that not all are going to remain virgins but I know from experience that the try to stay a virgin untill marriage mentality and the fact that I knew I would be disrespected and possibly mistreated if I did give in ( that it by no mean meant I would be liked more) kept me from engaging in sex at an early age. I don't think kids these days seem to know the full consequences of it. They are too young, which is way its good to wait untill marriage because you can't get married untill your brain starts functioning somewhat like an adult.. It should be the same for sex. Even though sex before 18 is supposedly illegal they still do it. That where the your liked better if your a good girl/boy ideas come in. Somehow we have to get our kids to believe this.Found an answer to your question?
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I hope I made sense in the post above. just noticed my many typos. Must be pregnant brain going on. (I'm newly pregnant, yay!)Found an answer to your question?
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