Do you "jump" every time your parents tell you to? 4 in 1 question

Would it make a difference if you're 18+ & lived at home? Should you still be at their every beck and call? When you move out & get your own place, would you still cut their grass, pull weeds, etc? Oh and be kind ladies :-)

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Asked by Danni143 at 1:06 PM on Feb. 11, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

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My parents live 300 miles away, so no, I don't do really anything for them. They moved to Florida. Now my in-laws, they call us for everything, but we only do some of the things they ask. They really do ask for ridiculous things. My father-in-law had surgery on his knee and couldn't drive. So, he called us to drive over to their house to drive him half a mile to the bank. First of all, we live 20 minutes away and second of all, my mother in law was there and she has a license. His reasoning for calling us to drive him.....she was sleeping. My husband said no to that one. Just like when my father in law had surgery on his shoulder and called my husband to drive over there to take out the trash......he said no. His mother is perfectly able bodied and in great shape....no reason she couldn't take out the trash. We think he just tries to think of excuses to call us just to see if we'll do what he asks. We do help them

Answer by BridgetC140 at 5:00 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
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I moved out in college, but I still help them out when they ask me to. Why? Because they do the same for me. They go on vacation, they know they can count on me to drive the 20 minutes to check on their house/pool/etc. I have an emergency and I know who I can call to be there to help out.

I don't mow the lawn, but I do them favors and they do the same.

My husband is the same with his parents.

Strangely, I thought that was how families worked. Oh, well, even if that wasn't how it is supposed to be, that is how I like it.

Answer by layh41407 at 3:10 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
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When kids are living at home, they have a duty to help out. That's just what families do. Afterall, when they get their own place, unless they can afford a maid, they will be taking care of their whole entire place. Heck, they will have more responsibilities when they have everything on their own shoulders. As to helping out after they've moved out, I think it depends on the health of their parents. I could never sit back & do nothing while my parents struggled to keep up with their lives/responsibilities. After everything they've done for me, it just wouldn't even be an issue.

Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:11 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
Credits: 54060 Level 32 Adult Children (18+) 101

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We lived with my mom and stepdad for a few years after my husband died. No, I wasn't at their beck and call, but I did do what they needed me to. It was more common courtesy than obligation. I paid half of all bills, including groceries and rent on the apartment we were sharing. I had just as much at stake in the household as they did. We both still rent, and we have separate homes now. But I'm still there whenever my mom needs me, and she's the same way by me.

I don't do yardwork for ANYONE :)

Answer by Ginger0104 at 1:29 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
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i havent lived at home in 10 years and i still come when my mom calls for me to do something....whether or not i wanna do what she asks she is my mother and i do it....i want my kids to learn respect for their elders and this is one way i have seen to show them

Answer by macksmom716 at 1:47 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
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I dont jump when my parents ask..... but I am an independent adult.

Being 18 doesnt make you an adult... being out of the house, paying your own way, and owning your life...THAT makes you an adult.

You could be 38 but if you are living off your parents you are not an adult..... and you best do what they ask because if not for them being adults you would be on the street.

*as far as some parents are concerned... they take it to the extreme. But then if you dont like it and think they are abusing the situation - MOVE OUT.

Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Feb. 11, 2012

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Is this a "reality checking" Q?

I think it's harder to know & assert your boundaries & personal limits if your parents didn't respect & protect your limits (by acknowledging & honoring your personal/self responsibility) while you were growing up. If they treated you as someone who was at their beck & call and ought to be, that is likely to continue in your adult relationship (along with the resentment it engenders.)

If your parents respect you & recognize/respect your autonomy, these questions don't make much sense because you're not routinely dealing with emotional leverage & blackmail and people AREN'T routinely ordering you to "jump"--you have more of the dynamic that layh41407 described in her reply.

I think it's possible to establish & defend boundaries with emotionally enmeshed parents who try to exert control through invoking OBLIGATION & DUTY. But it takes work & lots of awareness/consciousness.

Answer by girlwithC at 3:35 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
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Nope. I didn't cut the grass or pull the weeds when I did live at home. I was expected to clean up after myself, do my school work & abide my curfew, that was pretty much it.

Answer by 3libras at 1:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
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I wouldn't live with my parents when I was 18+. And after I moved out, helping maintain their house and property was not my responsibility. It was my responsibility to maintain my own apartment, and their responsibility to maintain their own home.

Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:47 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
Credits: 92238 Level 37 Adult Children (18+) 101

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I left home with I turned 18, and didn't speak to my mother again til I was 22. Now, unfortunately, she calls every single time she needs or wants something... But no, I would never do things like yard work for her. She can hire someone to do that stuff...

Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:25 PM on Feb. 11, 2012
Credits: 121499 Level 40 Adult Children (18+) 101

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