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i think my teen is depressed.......what to do

hello all was wondering if i could get some feedback. I am having trouble with my teen she has been grounded for the past 3 months due to failing grades and deciding to get a belly ring and a tongue ring with out my approval. She is angry and resentful because she feels to overprotected by my and my spouse. however due to her failing grades and cutting class the cellphone....and ipod were taken away hoping this would motivate her to change....instead she seems depressed and angry.....Recentl we discovered a video of her cutting school and smoking weed....now i feel that what we are trying to do is not working...What can i do???i told her that unless i see some serious change i will not allow her to go out ...planning to give her occasional drugs tests and monitor her where abouts more closely......any suggestions .....

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jenlesly

Asked by jenlesly at 4:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Well my mother was over bearing and it made me HATE her and made me want to do things that much more...... im sure she is depressed maybe get her into some counsiling and maybe they can find the root of the REAL problem with her!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 5:03 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Family counseling. This power struggle isn't getting you anywhere. If she will spend time with you and/or your husband going out and doing things she enjoys and things that are generally fun, perhaps you can communicate more and better. The relationship is on the rocks so I don't think anything you do is going to make it better until you understand her better. She sounds like she is screaming for positive attention. What have you done to love on her lately?
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 5:20 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • tried that and she the therapist felt that we should try to compromise with her with limits. however it has back fired. She wants to grow up to fast and i feel as if i am fighting a battle that i just cant win i love her dearly but she is concerning me. We had started to have the communication and i always learn that she scheming to get her way with some thing else. When ever i give her a little freedom she goes off and does something how can i establish trust with her. thanks for your suggestion.
    jenlesly

    Answer by jenlesly at 5:21 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Well her acting out is probably a cry for help to start with. Take her to counseling and her dr and get her on antidepressents.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:22 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I also want to recommend the book, The Teen Wisperer. It will help you understand her and what she needs.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 5:25 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Well I know you probably think you're helping, when you actually making it worse. Shes a teen so it's not a push and pull relationship, you push, she'll push back, you push harder, she'll push harder, you start random drug tests etc and pushing that hard, shes done pushing and starts sneakin out, doing heavier/worse drugs, getting her unmentionables pierced. My point is you need to come to a compromise, everything can't be no no no,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • having overprotective parents can drive a teen nuts. i am still a teen(17) and my dad drives me insane, i just want to punch him. he doesn't take away my stuff though (thank god,..but taking away stuff doesnt help cuz it makes you want to be even more rebelious!) idk..it probably didn't help but i just thought it would sound diff from another teens view.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • not to mention weed is awesome... :) its natural why is it such a crime?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • i would get therapy for her asap maybe even have her put into a program. she has to learn how to respect your parenting rules and understand her feelings and how to view things better. if she depressed which most teens are at this age they would be able to help with that as well. giving her therapy will give her an outlet to her feelings. i went through all that at her age and that is what my parents did and although i still struggled later in life. i really did learn alot i just didn't have enough treatment or stay in the program long enough. some learn faster then others me i was extremely stubborn. i can look at myself today and say i love myself though.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:05 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I wouldn't compromise on what you're asking of her. I had a teen daughter that if you gave an inch she'd take a mile too! I didn't have the best outcome with her but not the worst either. Good luck to you!! I ended up sending her to Job Corp and that was a good decision for her. Take her to therapy and decide what would be the best for you. With mine, she buckled down and worked hard once she was away from me. I wasn't there so she could rebel and do things just to aggravate me, then she started making better choices! Good luck, it's rough!
    shmorris56

    Answer by shmorris56 at 8:45 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

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