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12 yo son has no friends

Before we moved my son had a ton of friends. On the weekend he spent most of the day on the weekend at the park by our house and they'd be knocking on the door left and right. Since we moved December of 2007 he has no friends. Or at least any he hangs out with. He use to have one in our neighborhood but they seem to have drifted apart. Right now I'm upset with my husband cause he said give him time? Girls I am so worried about him. I'm at my wits end. Should I enroll him in something to keep him occupied? He's not into sports. I'm afraid I'll come home some day and he's killed himself.

 
pagirl71

Asked by pagirl71 at 8:07 PM on Jan. 17, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (17)
  • My daughter went through this in 4th grade because her good friends kept moving. One thing that helped was when she found a particular classmate that she liked and talked about, we scheduled a time for her to come with us outside of school to do something with my daughter. Kind of like a "playdate" for older kids. We went to an arcade and then the girl came and slept over. We did this a few times to build the friendship and they are good friends today. Sometimes I think we have to help our kids nurture the "good" relationships. We have to help make them happen since they are not old enough to drive and go places with their peers. THANK GOODNESS!
    LovetoTeach247

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 9:31 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Are there any after school activities he would be interested in? I don't know what you have in your area but some schools here have something where the kids can do their homework and hang out after school. It's usually until 5 or something. Maybe see if the schools in your area support something like that. Or perhaps see if the local Y has anything he might be interested in.
    amethystrse

    Answer by amethystrse at 8:15 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • is there a big brother program in your area? or something similar..that may help some
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • Ohh, how ab out some counselling for him or one on one time with a trusted uncle or aunt, grandmother just to pick up his spirits? Look into your library, that's what I do. Our library in my county has a ton of programs for different ages at different branches. You don't have to restrict him to one library location even. There's computer groups, writing groups, reading groups. How about 4H? A lot of county 4 H groups have groups for social as as well as community service and animal care. And you can get into another county's group too. Can you invite some old friends to come by over a weekend and sleep over? Let him know frriendships continue in distance and grow. Let him email with his friends or I M. I'd be leery though of myspace and facebook though for his age and situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • When we moved my mom took my son door to door to find kids in the neighborhood. It worked!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • I agree I would find something he is interested in and enroll him in it:)
    I would do a google search for after school programs and find something that fits him

    I do think your husband is right-just give it some time. I am sure your son misses his old friends and is just not ready to give anybody a chance yet:) Good luck. I'm sure it will all turn out good in the end!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • What's making you say you're worried you'll come home one day and find he's killed himself? That a very very serious sentence. Is he refusing to eat? if any siblings how are they? If you're that worried about him I'd speak to h is teachers and see how he is in school and gym!! Maybe something's going in the boys locker room. A guidance counseller can randomly walk through the cafeteria to see a couple of times a week if he interacts with other kids at lunch or not. Think about what's made you say that sentence. Sadness is one thing, depression is something totally different.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • My son who is 15yrs old is not a "sports" oriented type kid......we enrolled him in Karate and he LOVES it. He has made friends and feels self confident. I would talk with him every chance possible and see what might be going on. If you think he needs counseling then I would do it for sure. I wish you all the best.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 8:30 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • How it been an entire year since he hasn't found a new friend? Does he have symptoms of depression? Some signs of that are lethargy and lack of interest. If you think he is I would get him some counseling. In the meantime, I would ask him if he'd like to have one of his old friends over to your new place. What about Boy Scouts? Do you belong to a church? How about music, swimming, YMCA, bowling? Ask him what he likes. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him one day when you are both alone. We moved ourselves 2 1/2 yrs. ago & to make the transition easier for our daughter (she just turned 12) we had her old friends over & also had her take some after school activities as well. She signed up for music lessons and she got to continue in her old Girl Scout Troop which she is still in & loving it. Good luck & use whatever resources you can in your area.
    LKornak

    Answer by LKornak at 9:40 PM on Jan. 17, 2009

  • our family is out since their all in Pennsylvania, New York and Kentucky. He was in Boy Scouts and hated it. He has shown some interest in Karate so maybe that's our way to go. I told my husband I wanted counseling and he says why I had one good friend growing up. I suggested Seabees or the AF eqivalute but that's gotten nowhere. He says he has friends and I know he texts a few kids but he never hangs out with anyone.I'm just lost cause he's always complaining my oldest child is always hanging out with someone or on the phone or whatnot.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 8:39 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

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