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Please give me some advice.

Okay, here's the deal. Me and my husband have been married for a year and a half. I got married when I was 18. For one I think I was too young. And I'm starting to feel we are growing apart. We no longer have anything in common other than our son and we are constantly arguing about every little thing. I'm leaning towards ending it, but I'm not too sure if it;s the right choice. We have good days and bad ones...the bad ones are really bad and are happening more frequently. He frightens me when he gets really angry. I'm not sure how to break the news to him. And I just recently found out that a few months ago when he forced me to have sex with him and laughly said "u didn't think I raped you did you?!" He actually raped me. He lied and tried to talk me into thinking something else. Please give me a way to break the news and to tell if it's the right choice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • If he frightens you it's kinda sticky situation but if he forced himself on you, yea it's rape and when he asked me if I thought he did I'd have said yes, you did, making love should never be voilent, it shouldn't be done in anger and it should always be consentual. If you're ready to leave him, the very next time he does that I'd call the police as soon as he does it and they'll do a rape kit on you but it is harder to prove rape when it's your husband but even when it's not wet enough it causes small tears in the vagina. If you're scared but you want to leave, do it while he's at work and just go.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:23 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • There is no right or easy way to break it to him, but you obviously need to, and the sooner the better. That is no way for a man to treat a woman... if it happens again or if you feel like the arguing is getting bad again, call the police. I would try to find a relative or close friend to stay with at this point and get out of there. If he is getting this way now, things are only going to get worse. IF you have to, call the police to stand by at your house so you can get you and your sons things. But definatly get out of that relationship asap.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:35 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Be Careful. There Is No easy Way To Break It To Him If You Are Afraid Of Him. Maybe You Should Just Leave Without Saying ANYTHING. Go To A Shelter If You Gave To, They Can Help You.
    Kari_Noelle

    Answer by Kari_Noelle at 12:42 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Wow sister this is a tough situation to be in and I am sorry to hear about the rape. Yes, you can be raped by your husband although he may have thought that this was more roll play than anything set boundaries up now. Let him know NO IS NO! Also make up a pro's and con's list and "rate" your relationship. This may remind you why you married in the 1st place. You are very young but this is the path that you have chosen as an adult and not to be to harsh you have a child now that needs you both. Please get couples counseling and try to work on things I have been married for almost 6 years now and I must tell you that if your plan B is to just end it all, then that is what will happen. Learn now the steps to make relationships last and best of luck to you!

    Sarahedger

    Answer by Sarahedger at 12:43 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I put up with that mental F-ing BS for a long time. Rape is Rape. Period. What you need to do is get angry and stay angry for a while. Than your not blind. That's not love honey thats crap. Pack your stuff and go. And Tell him axactly why your leaving. Your body is your temple. Take care of you and your child. Kids feel negative energies and if you don't want your baby to grow up that way, than don't expose him to it. Mommy needs to be happy. There's good men out there that will love you and your boy. good luck honey.
    Deli_Mom

    Answer by Deli_Mom at 1:56 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I'd get out of the relationship...but I wouldn't tell him. Especially if he's already raped you and your scared of him. What do you think he'll do if you tell him your leaving? Get some help and do it when he's not home.
    britni11

    Answer by britni11 at 2:34 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I want to leave, but I know he'll want to see his son which for now I have no problem with. He is usually a great father. But, if I leave then what's going to happen the 1st time he comes to get his son? I'm working on getting an apartment about an hour away right now. I am also looking for a job. I want to be prepared, but if he does it again I'm gone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

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