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Why does it seem so many are for adoption when it isn't the adoptees choice but against it when the adoptee is able to decide?

I recently read the question about adoptees being adopted back by their biological families and as an adoptee who has been adopted back by my biological mom and dad I'm a bit confused by most of the responses in that question.

I see everywhere so many people praise adoption when an adoptee is too young to have a say in whether or not it is what they want but in the post about adoptees who actually get to finally choose their adoption I saw very few who actually supported this and many who couldn't say enough how much they disagreed with this.

One answer even mentioned how it was just a piece of paper that would make us adoptees feel better but didn't really matter which hurt and didn't make any sense because it was a piece of paper that started my adoption experience in the first place.

Is my choice not important at any stage in my life?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (29)
  • Adoption is praised when an infant is adopted because a mother is saying she does not want to parent. What should happen to a child then?

    If a child is older and has a say then it's completely different... I don't see how the two really compare.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • When you were a baby, that "piece of paper" was an obligation for your parents to feed, house, medicate, teach, nuture, etc. Now that you are grown, isnt that piece of paper more symbolic? I dont say that to offend, I just dont understand. Unless you are doing it for legal reasons also (inheritance, medical advice, etc).
    Ultimately, I dont think its anyone's business what two adults do.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • As a fellow adoptee, I completely understand your frustrations. It often feels as if everyone around us expects us to be happy by decisions that were made for us but is unhappy with choices we make when we are older that might go against how they feel we should react because we were adopted. I think it's a double standard that is unfair. I also think you might scare some amoms when you talked about being adopted back because this isn't something they want to even consider might happen. Especially since you are supposed to be forever grateful and indebted to your aparents for taking care of you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Nobody gets to choose their parents. NOBODY.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I think the 3rd anonymous answer down hits the nail on the head as far as answering your question "Especially since you are supposed to be forever grateful and indebted to your aparents for taking care of you." and in res ponce I have a quote for you "Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE


    I think society in general underestimate the pre-natal bond between mother and child and while most, almost all, adoptees attach to their parents and are fiercly loyal to them, not all do and that should be respected.


    Your'e right when you were infant you had no say, now your an adult it should be all about you. Don't let anyone scilence you.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:09 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Idk, I';ve always seen so many posts by adoptive parents and also birthparents. I haven't seen many by adoptees. And sometimes aps and bps, put their feelings before the only person/people who should matter, the adoptees! There was a question on here a few months back...i forgot what it was about but someone had met their birthmother and were glad they were not with her for certain reasons. And let me tell you, the birth mothers on here of course were upset by that. So it goes both ways. You wanna be adopted back, some aps will be "offended" because they have raised you. You are glad you are adopted and don't want to be adopted bad, birthmothers are upset because they gave you life.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 4:11 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I also beleive that we as adoptive parents need to respect our childrens decisions to be (or not to be) involved in their birthparents life.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 4:13 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Amen Anon 12:12
    Jill42721

    Answer by Jill42721 at 4:42 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • For the record I never referred to any particular side adoptive or bio parents in my question about being judged for choosing to be adopted back. Also I find statements such as "nobody gets to choose their parents" ironic since, you're right, I didn't get to choose my parents who I was born to but it was CHOSEN for me who my parents would be after my birth and I in turn have CHOSEN to adopted back by the parents I was born to. So maybe for my experience it should be nobody gets to choose their parents and nobody should have chosen them for me either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • No one said you did

    Quote
    "For the record I never referred to any particular side adoptive or bio parents in my question about being judged for choosing to be adopted back"
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 5:07 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

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