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Father of child has child for a matter of hours ,during his visitation & claims she is haveing a hard time "going" the first try on the potty.Should there be a good reason to put on a rubber glove & remove poop from your daughters rectum? What would your reaction be if your daughters father had done this?

also we have joint custody, we both have to consult on all medicail matters..

in stead of calling me (or the pediatrician)

before hand- he did this & told me after,also claims he can & will do it again,(though II have asked him not to & so has the pediatrician)she's already in therapy for strange statments & actions after visitations..

What can or should I do??

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Asked by jellybeangreen at 1:10 AM on Jan. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You need to look into getting a restraining order against him for your daughter. I don't know if you go straight to the court house for one or if you need to file a police report to get one. Refuse visitation and take it back to court. Figure out what you need to do to get an emergency sole custody order until the court can figure it out and request that he get a physiological exam.


    Answer by Lornamay at 1:19 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I'm gonna be totally honest with you here. If I were in your same situation and my child was constipated and in discomfort, my hubby or exhubby had BETTER get that rubber glove on and help get it out. I actually saw a John and Kate plus 8 not too long ago where John had to take one of the kids out to the van (they were somewhere away from home) and do that EXACT same thing.

    My niece freaks out when she's constipated...maybe your daughter did the same thing and he was actually be a good daddy and trying to help. I mean, he told you about it, child abusers don't typically make up excuses like that, they just threaten the kid to keep quiet.

    As for the "strange comments and actions, only you know what they are and if you suspect abuse than I'm sure you've already had her checked out by someone who would be able to tell. What does your daughter say happened?

    Answer by Nika75 at 1:20 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • ummm go backto court?? and get this visitation thing changed!!! your poor child is gonna be scarred for life!!!! putting gloves on and removing it from her butt!! ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! i would sooo not let him get away with something like that!! if shes already in therapy, that aint good! you need to talk to someone, lawyer, police, judge, someone!!! thats not riiight!!! how old is your daughter??

    Answer by alexis_06 at 1:21 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • take him back to court with records from your doctor about why this is wrong, and what he has done. Fight for full custody with visitation rights.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 2:06 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • There is NO EXCUSE for him to be doing that - Take the baby to your doctor - he will probably have you add a tsp of mineral oil to her diet -
    Something is going on with the dad.. he's not right in the head.

    Answer by misskimmy62 at 2:54 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • wow!!! i'm not sure how to take this... i dunno..... i remember when i switched from breast milk to formula (baby was six months) i had to push a little to help it get out.. but if she is already using the potty i dunno.... this kinda gives me a bad feeling... how old is she? i would say try talking to her and see what she says... in the meantime avoid vists with him.... talk to a pych.

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 4:31 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I do not think that remedy should be carried out without a physican saying to do it. That is quite painful and I would say should be the last resort for constipation. I would definitely seek counsel, medical and legal before I would allow the child to be alone with him again. There is something not right here. At the very least it is poor judgement.

    Answer by tsjjpmds at 8:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I agree with Nika75. Ive seen my DD cry because she just couldnt get it out. If she had been crying for more than just a few mins, I would have stuck my finger up their also.

    As for the strange actions after visits . . . I feel that is a separate matter, and needs to be dealt with by professionals.

    Answer by epoh at 8:31 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I know I had to do that once to one of my children for immediate release, but then I took her to the pediatrician to be sure I didn't harm her in any way, such as tearing the anus.
    You should take your daughter to the pediatrician to be sure of the same thing.
    I wouldn't judge her father just yet. Next time she has visitation with him send along a suppository (ask the ped for the best ones for her age) or a stool softener (again, ask the ped first before buying any).

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 8:37 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • See a doctor. No excuse for a child to have that much of a problem. And I can't believe this question was brought to this forum. Yikes. See a doctor instead.

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 8:45 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

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