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How do you punish the kids that has figured out I can't 'make' him do anything?

My son is 7 and hard headed as hell! So he has always been 'challenging' but it is getting worse. We have always done time outs with him but he doesn't care. so let's say I ask him to carry his toys upstairs. He say's no. I tell him to sit in time out. He does no problem sometimes other times he screams I will get to that.... I tell him again to clean up the toy. He say's ' no I'll just sit in time out and will just sit there smirking at me. the toy will still be there at dinner. I tell him no dessert until the toy is picked up. He say's 'fine. I don't like dessert anyway' I finally pick the toy up put it in his hand and tell him to take it up. He drops it. I then put the toy in the trash. He says ' he doesn't care' He does this at school to! He will act up. They send him tot he hallway and he will play in the hallway knowing he is getting out of the work. He know no one can literally force him to do anything. He is happy to avoid the work by sitting in the office or time out or on the steps. I tried for while taking all his toys away. Like ALL of them. He did not care! And he isn't all passive all the time. He does weird things to. Like I caught him climbing out of his bedroom window when he was 6. I had to nail it shut after he did this 3-4 times in a week He smears tooth paste on the mirror for fun. I have to keep it out of reach. Soap also. And toilet paper. He has to ask me for toilet paper because he will put it int he toilet or sink or tub. He will refuse to take baths sometimes just because he knows I can't pick him up and put him in the tub and wash him. He knows if he screams and keeps jumping out it literally will not work. Sometimes I will send him to his room as a time out because he will sit on the stairs and scream- refusing to sit on the steps. He will then go in his room and scream bloody murder for EVER. I just don't know what to do. Nothing works. He knows I can't hold his hand and force him to do what he doesn't want to do. He knows how to get out of things by getting in trouble. ANY ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Feb. 14, 2012 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (29)
  • Go to the pediatrician and have him tested for ODD and things such as that.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:37 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • Have you talked to his pediatrician? They should be able to help you and give you suggestions. They may possibly refer you to a psycologist.
    momoftaterbug

    Answer by momoftaterbug at 5:40 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • I agree with them. Kids this age can be pretty stubborn- but this sounds beyond that. I'd talk to the pediatrician and see what they suggest
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 5:46 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • I talked to the ped a few times. They first told me it was just him being 'spirited' when he was 3ish. Then by 4 it was him 'being a boy' At 5 they gave me a parenting book to try. Last year they told me I might want to consider ADHD meds and we tried them but they seemed to make him worse! I asked if I should go to a psych a few months ago and they told me that there was no reason to do that. that I just needed to find the parenting style that worked for him. they gave me a few books to read but none of them talk about this kind of behavior.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:46 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • I know what will work. But you will not like it. A good old fashioned ass whoopin!!!!  That will straighten him up.


     


    Ok lets see???  Go to his room.  Strip it of everything but his bed , dresser and cloths.  The way he is acting I would take all his favorite cloths away to.  I  then would start making him eat meals/food. He did not like.  If he want to act like that I can make his life miserable. Nothing but water too.  I would tell him tell he straightens up. that is the way it is going to be.


    Might want to bring him to see his doctor to see if he is ill.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:47 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • I spanked him ONE time when he was a little over three and he pulled away from me screaming and cowered in the corner begging me not to hit him anymore. I will never instill that fear into my child again. I don't understand how anyone could.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:51 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • I agree with Gemgem. See if you can get a referral for an evaluation. Once you have that done, you can get good advice based on his particular needs.

    I know this is very stressful for you. I wish you good luck.
    BrawnwynII

    Answer by BrawnwynII at 5:55 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • I spanked him ONE time when he was a little over three and he pulled away from me screaming and cowered in the corner begging me not to hit him anymore. I will never instill that fear into my child again. I don't understand how anyone could.
    _________
    I'm not huge on spanking, but I think this statement might say A LOT about your issue.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:06 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • meaning what?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:25 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

  • Let me ask you this--Are you physically disabled? You remarked that you can't pick him up or hold his hand to do things. Is he large? Are you disabled? Or why can't you?
    Also, another question? Does he have toys now? If so, why? You had said you threw them all away and he obviously hasn't earned them back because he is still behaving this way, in fact you said he was getting worse. So if he now has toys, why?

    And I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm just trying to get a clearer picture.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:42 PM on Feb. 14, 2012

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