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what do you tell a child when they ask why they dont have a dad?

my son is only three months so i have no fear of this coming up in the future but it does scare me a bit to think that one day my son is going to ask that question...his father never wanted anything to do with him, how do you answer that question without hurting your child?????????


Asked by sweetmelissa451 at 3:06 AM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (18)
  • If he asks when he is young, tell him he was made special for a mommy. When he gets older, sit him down and explain it to him regardless if he asks or not. You will know when the time is right.

    Answer by kscmbz at 3:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • 'if you ever ask that again i will slap you' =)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • tell him that sometimes men act like men, but when it comes down to actually being a man, they turn into immature boys and run from things that scare them. That to be a real man, he should have stepped up and been there, but he didn't. That it is not your sons fault... but personality faults in his father.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:12 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • That's such a dumb answer up there. I don't have an answer for you but I just had to say that. I'm sure someone will come up with a great answer for you from their own experiences with this.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 3:13 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • i was jk, dont tell him that!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • My daughters dad wasnt very invovled with her either and now she is 13 yo. What I told her is this: Some people just don't know how to be good parents. That doesn't mean that they don't love you, or don't care, it just means they don't know how to be there for you like they should be. You don't want to say anything negative about the absent parent because they need to make that judgement call on their own, and they will someday. My daughter ended up being the one to give her father the ultimatum (spelling) of either having something to do with her, or never hearing from her again. He calls her every so often now. Good Luck.

    Answer by jdrae13 at 3:18 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • IDK, I think it might depend on what the back story is. I mean, it is different if a mother planned the child with the father together and then the father chose to be a deadbeat, than if the mother chose to have an unplanned child with someone who didn't want the child to begin with. I would think that the explanations would be different. We cannot bash him because we don't know the whole story. There is one lady I've seen on here that admits to tricking her SO into the baby she is pregnant with now, and he didn't want it. She just stopped taking the pill without telling him. I couldn't blame him for not wanting to be around. He was forced into it. So, yeah, I think it depends on the situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Also, I would think that if you knew that it might be something that would cause your child pain and you chose to have him anyway then maybe you should talk to someone so that you don't get hung up on it. That wouldn't be healthy. We all make mistakes. For me, it would hurt to have to tell my child that they were not wanted by their father. I couldn't ever do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • anon 12:39 that wasn't cool

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Why are people being so rude in their answers? Geez...I'm so sorry people are so rude and insensitive. Who waits til marriage to have sex anymore? I'm sure anon didn't. Anon is obviously bitter about somthing and not happy in life.

    I would just tell your little boy that sometimes people make choices that we may not understand. That does not mean that you (the baby) did anything wrong or that his dad didn't love him. It means that his dad wasn't ready to be a daddy and felt it was better for him to just stay away and let mommy raise him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 AM on Jan. 18, 2009