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Do kids remember?

my kids are 2 and 4...will they remember all the ugly fights my husband and I had in front of them. I feel horrible about it! I talk to my 4 year old about how she feels. i don't know if she fully understands. We have learned to fight fair, but i don't think the damage is reversible. can anyone tell me anything?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Jan. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • Your 4 year old might but I don't think your 2 year old will. I can remember as far back as 3 (or just before turning 3).

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 10:00 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • The damage is reversible even if she does remember it it will just be a distant memory and providing you change from now on I doubt it will feature highly in her memories. Good Luck.

    Answer by HNK11 at 10:07 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I remember the fights my parents have from the time i was around two and up. they were terrible =( it made me realize who not marry (although i LOVE my dad) and how to treat my marriage.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 10:16 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I was 8 when my parents got divorced and up until that point, they always fought and screamed. I do not remember their fights, just that they told me later in life that it was bad. I remember doing stuff with friends and such, but not them fighting. Even right before they got divorced.

    My husband and I fought terribly for the first 8 years of our marriage. My oldest would have been 8 when we finally found peace (we still fight occasionally of course) and my middle son was 6. They are fine, the show no signs of being traumatized from the fights. When we fight now, they go upstairs and usually try to take their little sister, but she is still at that age when she insists of being with mom when mom is upset.

    I am sure they will be ok. My dad always told us kids that sometimes fighting is just how grownups communicate. I did not really understand it back then, but now that I am grown, I totally understand.

    Answer by vbongard at 10:19 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • My parents divorced when I was five. I absolutely don't have any memories of them being married. The most I remember is my parents yelling at me specifically, not yelling at each other.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 10:46 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • My then 5 year old remember the small fight my ex and i had. I told him it was alright and just an accident.

    He talked about it at school. The school teachers called me and the daddy, the daddy told his mother. MIL got on me saying i tell my son to talk about it in school or i didn't talk to them not to say anything in school. I MEAN WTF?

    kids do remember the nasty fight, they start remembering thing as early as 2.

    Answer by yoshiki56 at 11:35 AM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • The events that transpired between Me and my ex I believe had a strong impact on how she carries on today being 16 yrs old , she bullies her sisters, trying to boss me and controll everyone in the house like her father would, if I had to put up with him, Thank God for erreconcilable differences being a reason for divorce or I'd probably have my children beating on me too. My oldest is mad that we broke up, I feel very blessed because I'm not in bondage to a slavedriver and dictator, to issues of having to ask for medical attention for his kids and get told no to using our medicaid for the girls and scolded like a little girl. My own Father wasn't as controlling he'd never keep my mother down from having a life, my Mom is a strong woman and when my Father did something wrong my Mom would fix him by sewing the bottom of his pant legs shut on him.

    Answer by Best-Adrianao5 at 12:13 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • You won't know until they're older.

    I have memories from when I was two. My brother doesn't remember anything that early. Who knows?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • In a nutshell - Yes, they remember. They'll remember the triggers and the responses even if they can't remember the details...they'll remember the emotions they felt, they'll remember the physical responses they felt. If a child experiences a strong emotional trauma or regular emotional upheavals as a child, their brain will remember the triggers and their body will respond accordingly - it's the same for PTSD - strong emotional triggers lead to a physical memory of the trigger - even if they don't remember the details of the arguments, they'll remember the the behaviors, and how they responded (fear, confusion, anger). Memory is forming from infancy...and it sticks.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 12:51 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Im agree with JPsMommy

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:16 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

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