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My boyfriend has a 6 year old and I feel like we just dont get along... Why & what can I do?

I have never dated anyone with a kid... Him and I met while I was pregnant and he has been with me throughout my whole pregnancy... At first I got along with his son we told each other we love each other and it felt really good to be able to love this child that's not even mine! (= But now we dont get along so much... I dont know how to not be so strict... Im a new mommy and im learning, I need advice on how to just let some things go and to lay down the rules when needed. Does any of this make sense to any of you? Does anyone have any advice for me, and help me through everything.?

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NewMommy112011

Asked by NewMommy112011 at 3:50 PM on Feb. 15, 2012 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Yea dont try to be his mom. He has a mom. Take him to lunch or a movie just one on one and explain to him that you love him and even though maybe sometimes you think he might not like your rules or you it doesnt change how you feel. Tell him you arent trying to be his mom, he has a mom, but you are another grown up you loves him and will always be in his life and you hope in time that he can grow to love you just as much.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:06 PM on Feb. 15, 2012

  • He has a Mom so try & be his friend. If he acts out, choose your battles carefully. Sit down & talk to him when you can & buy him LOTS of Toys! LOL! I'm not kidding, he'll LOVE you! That's what I would do.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:38 PM on Feb. 15, 2012

  • If he has a Mom that is present, I'd talk to her about her rules so that you can work with some of them in your own home. Also, a six year old boy is a busy, growing, curious, boundary pushing human being. There is SO much more going on than you two not getting along. You are the grown up so you must act like one. No sense in being hurt by this just realize he's only been on this earth six years. Not very long. Also, he's trying to figure out how to make you work into his life as well...as clearly there has been some upheaval/divorce/etc. Much harder for a child. Good luck but really, pick your battles because it's just not worth the damage to both of you. : )
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:00 AM on Feb. 16, 2012

  • You aren't his mom, but you are the mother figure in your home (if you and his dad live together). You need to set boundaries/rules/consequences/rewards WITH his father. The two of you need to be a team. It may also help to sit down with him and let him know that you aren't trying to replace his mom. I know with my "bonus" daughter, her major issue with me was that she thought I wanted to replace her mom (she was being told that by her mom). I love her as my daughter, but I am not her mother, and I would never try to be her mother.

    Get Mom's House, Dad's House and Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids. GREAT books for blended families!
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 1:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2012

  • you don't have to be strict, just set some house rules and consequences, and try to get back to relating with him. Maybe things are different now that you're with him more, or now that baby talk is more common and he is not sure how he feels.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 7:32 PM on Feb. 17, 2012

  • You don't need to "lay down the rules" you are not his mom, he has a mom, you aren't even his step mom but even if/when you are his step mom, you still won't be his mom.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:52 AM on Feb. 18, 2012

  • I agree with the other ladies who said don't try to be his mom. He might resent that. If his bio mom is still in the picture then she might be telling him things to. Try to do fun stuff with him. Be there when he needs someone to depend on. But don't try to replace his bio mom.
    dragonfly750

    Answer by dragonfly750 at 2:44 AM on Feb. 20, 2012

  • i am no help. i havent gotten along with my sdd ever, she was 5 when we met. she is not being raised in what i feel is an acceptable way. soooo i am not involed in her life
    mommaFruFru

    Answer by mommaFruFru at 2:42 PM on Feb. 25, 2012

  • I think spending alone time with the child is good, and also letting the child know you are not trying to be their mother, but rather their friend. Step-child can be very protective on their parents, and not wanting the step-parent to cross the line. Fine somethings you would like to do together, play games, watch movies, have your alone time with him/her. It's always nice to have the other parent around, but by doing things alone you are showing the child you are trying to just bond with them.
    AzariahsMother

    Answer by AzariahsMother at 11:01 PM on Feb. 28, 2012

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