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How do I keep my mom from arguing with me?

Everytime my mom is around and my husband and I have to correct our son or discipline him, she says we do not need to be doing it and argues with me in front of my son. My son has ADHD and possibly bipolar. Therapist said that we have to keep him disciplined. We just had an incident this weekend where my son was having an "episode" and I was trying to call him down. My husband is out of town so I was on my own. My son always says don't tell Daddy because I don't want him to whip me. My husband doesn't ship my son unless he just really needs it. My mom said "What is he doing to him"? "He better not be spanking him." I just snapped and told her to stop it and that she was not going to do that and tell me or my husband what to do.

I need help!!!

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Kristina1976

Asked by Kristina1976 at 2:46 PM on Jan. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • I think you pretty much did it this weekend. Just keep it up. If she tries to step in or tell you what to do, tell her to stop it and that she is not going to tell you or your husband how to discipline your child. She'll get it eventually.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:48 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Well, I went off on mine. For a good ten minutes. Screaming. It ended with me throwin my phone three yards down. I wouldn't recommend it...but hey. Worked for me! She hasn't told me what I should or shouldn't do since and that was about two years ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • You don't really need that much help. Sounds like you're doing right both with your child and your mother. Stand your ground with your mom. After all, she's not the one raising him, and it's not her place to interfere. Have a discussion with her, without your child there, and let her know that you are in control of the situation and that she needs to keep quiet in front of the child. She raised you..... she should trust that she raised you well enough to trust that you can handle this on your own. And of course should you need her, you know she'll be there. But for now, let you handle this. . Either she's with you, supportive and on board with the course you're taking or she not.... but either way .... she's to keep quiet in front of the child.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 2:56 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I had the same issues with my mom. What makes it worse we both have psych degrees lmao. She just sees things one way and I lean towards a diff theory of psychology then she does. Anyway I have one son who was misdiagnosed with ADHD and actually has Bipolar, and another son who is Autistic. She never understood or agreed with how I handled it or how the therapists involved handled it. I finally told her these are my kids and I am doing what is right for them, based on latest research etc. I printed out things to support my theories and told her unless she was planning to support me she needed to sit down and shut up.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:58 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • try to remember that it takes 2 to argue
    but i agree with the PP's. if she disagree with you she can take it up with you when you're children are not around. but the bottom line is that these are your children and she aldread had her turn raising hers. You will raise you're children the way that you see fit whether or not she agrees with it.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:04 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • She isn't being supportive. She stomped out of here and now she is saying that she isn't going to have anything to do with us.
    Kristina1976

    Answer by Kristina1976 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • he's your child. you raise him however you want and if she cant deal with it then be up front with her. if she keeps up with it your son is going to mold around her way as time goes on because he gets to do whatever he wants with her and disobey you.
    Kayge

    Answer by Kayge at 4:14 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • And if she doesn't want to have anything to do with you guys, then that's her decision. Honestly, if she can't support you guys, you're better off without her.

    You needed to stand up to her. It will be easier the next time..and there will be a next time. But you know what....she'll get over it and she will come to respect you for the great mom you are.
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 4:30 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Having skimmed the other responses ... I may be repeating something. But YOU are the parents. I had to put my foot down with my dad and step-mom early with my son. I told them my hubby and I are the parents and that if they criticized me again IN FRONT OF MY SON or even after a visit that I would have to limit their time with MY son.


    Especially with a BPD or ADHD child, consistency is the key and your mother criticizing you in front of the child is doing HARM. REAL HARM.  She has to stop NOW.

    cat0325

    Answer by cat0325 at 8:19 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • My dad tried talking to my mother after this incident she had the nerve to tell him that In pinch my son! IT seems to me that she is definately trying to say we are abusing him.
    Kristina1976

    Answer by Kristina1976 at 11:21 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

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