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17 yo step daughter stopped communicating

SD lives 3 states away. BM has allowed only one visit from SD to our home. We have visited her twice. It has been three years since we have seen SD. BM blocked all our attempts with excuses of other plans and now says SD doesn't want anything to do with her father because he hasn't seen her. BM new husband of 9 years is very wealthy so SD goes to a private school, new car, designer clothes,etc. Now with college this fall, she wants to go to a school with40K a year tuition. Our lifestyle can not support this standard of living and has been shoved in our face by BM continuely. I have been in the picture 5 years. We email, call,write and all have gone unanswered. Gifts go unacknowledged and checks uncashed by SD. I don't know what to do. BM is bitter,angry,jealous,and vindictive-this is putting it lightly. When my husband quit taking BM abusive calls, his daughter quit communicating with him. What can we do we haven't?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (6)
  • Nothing. First off I would stay totally out of it. Im on the other end of the spectrum. My older kids are teens and their dad doesnt have anything to do with them. But he and his gf tell people its because of me blah blah. Its not. My kids just dont know him well enough to give a crap about him and I figure since they are teens its between him and them. And it is. At this point its between your dh and his dd. Not you, not biomom or anyone else. Its hard but we have to let them make decisions even if they are bad ones. I say keep sending bday cards, emails, letters, keep the communication open that way when she finally grows up she can never say he stopped trying.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:29 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • She'll be 18 and in college soon. Dad should get all of her info at school and only attempt to contact his daughter there. If he's got joint legal custody he is allowed to call the school and request the information. She may not even be getting the stuff dad is sending now.

    Answer by desert_diva at 3:40 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Damn! that sucks to have to do all this to the daughter and she don't want nothing to do with ya'll. I know you are not the bm but shit you are the new (2nd) wife in his life so whatever he goes through you go through. I am sorry you are going through all this shit but it happens some worse than others. Just be the better people and sooner or later she will come around. Does he try to talk to her one on one if not he needs to start and stay in touch regardless what that woman says. Just kill her with kindness but never let that communication stop with the daughter. good luck


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:46 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • It is funny how they are doing alot better with the next man in their lives and still are not happy and I bet she is gladly excepting the child support payments because they are entiltled to it. Oh give me a break. I swear some woman. Just keep in touch with her and she will soon realize she has a dad and stepmom who love her over where you live.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:50 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Just let your SD know she she is loved and cared about.  Try not to feed into her mothers drama it is not healthy.  have your husband open a savings account with the money he would send her.  (since she does not cash the checks)  Continue calling, sending her cards and visit her!


    Answer by mommiedear at 7:46 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Stop trying so hard. Give her time to come around. The child is being taught sadly how to manipulate others to give into her demands.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Feb. 5, 2009

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