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Introducing her to her father's family..

My daughters father and I have known one another for 9 years. When I became pregnant, he didn't want me to keep the baby. He's never disrespected me, so I didn't see this coming. Anyhow, he opted to file a false police report against me...stating that I threatened to kill him. I had a report filed and had to go back and forth to court. They made a deal that if I didn't "bother" him for a certain amount of time, it would disappear for good. His mother and siblings, who know me, don't know anything about the baby. I'm family oriented and I feel that even if he continues to deny her, her family should have the option of at least meeting her. If I choose to do that, it will be without his acknowledgment and after this false crap disappears. I love my daughter so much and I really would like her grandmother to know her, especially because my mother is no longer alive and I grew up not knowing either of my grandparents.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I know that when I had my oldest my SO at the time totally denied that the baby was his. We had knows each other for years and lived together for 2 years. He did not want to have anything to do with me or my son. My SO family knew about the baby and were very supportive. When I got married my Ex signed over his parental rights and my DH adopted my son.

    My EX's mother has been involved in my sons life since he was a baby and she has loved him. Just because her son was an ass, she knew she did not want to be the same way. Now I have 3 children and she treats them all the same. My oldest child is 11 and his Bio Father is not in his life at all, although his mother and sister are.

    I hope this makes sense and if you have any questions please send me PM.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 4:19 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Why would you willingly put her in the middle of an extremely dysfunctional bunch? If you arent married yet then time will likely correct that and hopefully give her a real dad and grandparents who arent insane.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:12 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I would definitely wait tell this false police report blows over. You don't want to get in more trouble.


    I think it is a good idea, if your DD know both sides of her family.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:14 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • To be fair, it was never stated that the family was "insane" just the father. Assuming you are doing this to give your daughter a chance to get to know her family and NOT to get back into this guy's life then you should at least let them know about her and let them make the next move. BUT if it could get you into further trouble with the police by contacting them you probably shouldn't
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I would let it go. You have no idea what kind of reaction his family will have. Why put your daughter in a position where she could be rejected? What if they do not even believe that she is his child? I would wait until she is older and she can make the decision about her father's family and how involved they are in her life.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 4:18 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • send them a ltr but let them come to you. you can't force people to be a part of your daughters life and they might just not care. i married my ex but his parents never showed signs of caring for their grand boys. i don't care and my boys don't seem to notice that they don't care.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:34 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Thank you all. Especially you cornflakegirl. I am definitely not trying to get into trouble and he and I are in court now b/c I had to request a paternity b/c he wouldn't acknowledge her. I didn't make her by myself, and since I'm not in love with him, his not wanting to be there isn't a problem for me. Nevertheless, he will pay child support and that's the purpose behind the court appt's. I will see if he comes to his senses about wanting to know her and of course if he does, then his family will. In no way though am I dysfunctional. My daughter is greatly loved and well taken care of by a very sane parent who will always put her first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Melody77, I understand your point, but I'd never force her on anyone. She's my baby and I adore her. But, my point was, if he chose to continue to deny her, then he wouldn't share her existence with his family. So, in that event, I was just wondering if I should at least let them know that hey, I had a baby, and if you want to meet her, it could be arranged. I really believe that there's no right or wrong for me, b/c the only thing I'm guilty of is becoming pregnant....which I'll never regret.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

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