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When should I expect the end to come?

Beofre you bash, let me say if you can't say anything nice, please don't bother replying.
Both me and SO are still married to others but are still together for financial reasons. I don't have a job and he doesn't make enough to get a place of his own. He wants to get married 2 years after we both get divorced so that our heads are on level field. My DH knows about my SO and is actually glad that I found someone. His DW knows nothing about about me even though I've been to their house so many times, I've lost count. He says that if she found out that she would take him for everything they own. Now, my question is, how long would you wait to get together finally? I know that I'm taking a chance that he's just blowing smoke up my ass but there is always that hope.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I think you are being taken for a ride.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 8:34 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • My Grandmother always saidn, "If they wanted to get rid of them, they would"... and I've found that to be 100% true........... He's making excuses.... -- If he ever gets a divorce which is unlikely, and even if he does leave... He might go back within a Year........ -- So waiting a couple years to get married is in your best interest.... (He sounds like someone who wants someone on the String as a back up plan... because he is to insecure to actually be alone).
    Kay300

    Answer by Kay300 at 8:38 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • You never know but it is usually a good idea to avoid these situations. If he wanted to be with you he would be. The divorce would be happening. I ended up homeless for a bit when I was leaving my husband, but it had to be done. There are always excuses to be made. Also, does he want to leave her because of you?---If so, then he is ust as likely to leave you for someone else. If he wants to get divorced because his relationship was already failing before you then that is a little different. It is up to you really. How long you are willing to stay on standby.
    Lovemybabies885

    Answer by Lovemybabies885 at 8:43 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • To be honest with you, I wouldn't waste my time at all on someone who doesn't make enough money to move out & get an apt or rental house or something. I'd also postpone my relationship with him until he can get his act together enough to end it with his wife.

    Right now, it sounds like he's just having his cake & eating it, too. Believe me, she WILL find out about you one way or another and take him for all he has anyways.... and if he doesn't even make enough $$ to get a flippin' apt, how much does he have to lose anyways?
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 8:46 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Chances are if you do get together, how long do you think it will be before another woman is asking the same question about getting together with her SO, which will be your husband. If he does it with you, he'll do it to you. Move on without him!
    BlessedMommy64

    Answer by BlessedMommy64 at 8:46 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Did you point out to him that most states are now 'no fault' states, and that even if he did get caught cheating she still wouldn't get more than a 50/50 split?

    Check online and see if your state is in fact one of them. If it is point it out to him. His response will give you your answer.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 8:48 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • are you living together already or you both with original spouses? if he still living with his wife and not telling her i would question his intentions. my ex is doing this to his wife and its so unfair she thinks all is well and he keeps cheating on her and not telling her he is unhappy. and finances are not an excuse. my hubby and i are as poor as they come but we still managed to file for legal separation being we arent sure on the divorce yet. its just unfair to both spouses to be put on the back burner and used for money or a place to stay. if you really want to be together and want a divorce you will find away to survive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • It's all about how long you are willing to wait and invest your time in him. It's difficult to build a solid foundation of a good relationship with him while he is still hindered with a wife. Personally I think it's very unfair for everyone involved to know what's up except her. She has a right to know what's happening in her life. Maybe she has someone and wants out too? You won't know until he tells her the truth. Do you want a man who won't be honest with his wife? I'm not bashing, just posing a question. Lay the cards on the table for ALL the players and let them decide their life. Bless her heart. She's being played for a fool and she doesn't even know it. That's just wrong. Tell him to crap or get off the pot. Tell him to come back when he's available to make you the promises he's making to you. Don't let him make a fool of you too.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:27 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I am sure the soon to be ex wife knows that you are seeing him, i mean come on if you were having that happen to you i am sure you know that he is dating the other women who has been to his old house no matter what kind of excause he uses.. and she can't take anything from him any way.. thats why court looks at there income and etc.. i hope you don't think i am being rude which i am really not i am just saying he is thinking funny and he sounds a lil fishy..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • Really,come on can't you see the signs.You are being taken for a joy ride.To him you are nothing more then a fun thrill to have for his ego.Who says that after you guys do get divorced that he will fallow through with his,so called promise.I agree his wife can't be that stupid.How can you trust him,when he is lying to his wife about seeing you.Thus,he trust you not to lie to him.
    Jeffsmom87

    Answer by Jeffsmom87 at 3:02 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

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