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Are all men like this??

Ok, last year my fiance and I lost our first child at 18 wks. Now we're pregant again and I'm really excited, I'm 14 wks and healthy, the baby is healthy, the Drs are very positive about this whole thing. The problem is, my fiance refuses to tell any of our friends, and when they asked about my "weight gain" he just told them I was getting fat. I can understand that he doesn't want to go through our first loss all over again, but I don't see how acting like he's embarrassed of me is helping either one of us or the baby. What do you think?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Jan. 18, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I doubt he's embarrassed, he probaby just doesn't want to jinx it. Or maybe he feels like if he puts it out there that your prego, it will be that much harder if you lose the baby and have to tell everyone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • He's probably just scared that you'll lose it again and doesn't want to have to go through the pain of having to tell people you lost the baby. I bet after 18-20 weeks he'll be excited to tell people, if not question his reasonings for it.
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 9:40 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I don't know if all men are like this, but I can understand him. He was so hurt by his and your previous loss that he wants to keep this very low key until he has more assurance. Hug him and be greatful that you have such a sweet and sensitive guy. He is not being ashamed, only protecting his feelings from getting too involved since he was hurt before. Meanwhile he treasures the hope that all will be well this time.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:43 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I wish you both the best with this pregnancy, and agree, he is just trying to prepare for the worst. I bet if you take him to your first/next ultrasound, and he gets to actually see his baby, he'll become much more excited!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:53 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I would ignore his reaction for now. Men deal with things differently than we do. When my husband and I lost a baby by miscarriage he actually carried guilt around for several years even though really it had been bad timing and everything worked out well in the end. Even to this day he will sometimes think of how it would have been had we had that child in our lives. Try to get him more involved in your doctor appointment and try not to react too much to his hesitation to be excited. In the end when you give birth to a healthy child he will be so happy and it will be worth it.
    t3dragonflies

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 10:06 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I think he was hurt over the loss of your last pregnancy and he doesn't want to jinx it. You are 14 weeks now and you lost the last one at 18 weeks. Just be patient. He isn't embarrassed. He is just waiting until he really feels secure that this baby will make it through pregnancy.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 10:13 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • My boyfriend was the same way. I never misscaried and got pregnant again, but I did find out that I was pregnant. He was very scared and did not want anyone to know. It kind of got me upset and we talked about it, and now hes starting to settle his nerves. I think that you should sit down with him and tell him how you feel. The best way to understand him is to talk to him about it. When ever there is a problem or something does not seem right with my boyfriend and I then I ask him about it, and we talk. I understand where your man is coming from. Its hard to go threw something like that, and it must be very painful for him. Hes most likely just scared of history repeating itself. I would honestly juts sit down and see whats really going threw his head.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • maybe he's superstitious and doesn't want to jinx things
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:49 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • When I had a miscarriage and got pregnant again 2 mo. later I didn't tell many people especially at work until I was really showing. Its ok. Don't worry about it. Does he go to your dr apts.?
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 11:00 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

  • I would talk to him about just telling your close friends and family. If any extended friends ask about it THEN both of you should agree on what to tell them. Or hey tell them the truth. We're pregnant again but he doesn't want to jinx it....
    SillyMomma

    Answer by SillyMomma at 11:11 PM on Jan. 18, 2009

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