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16 year old having sex adult content

How would you deal with finding out your 16 yr old was having safe sex? Would it matter if they were in a long term relationship or do you teach abstinence?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Feb. 19, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • If I knew they had a boyfriend & I liked him (I have girls). And, I knew that they were using protection and/or BC....geeze, I mean it is normal, I just wouldn't want them to in my house. Oh, I seriously dread the teen years.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 12:21 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • Well having sex at that age is pretty normal, and they are using protection which is good. If she isn't already on BC I would get her on it since condoms aren't 100% effective. If you haven't already, I would talk with her about everything and let her know what you expect under your roof.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 12:30 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • I would reiterate that I wasn't happy about it. I would be glad that at least he/she was using protection.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • the important thing is that they are having SAFE sex. I wouldn't necessarily be happy, but I'd be glad that they care enough about themselves to try to be safe about it.
    Also I'd feel slightly better if it was with someone they have a relationship with rather than whoever is around at the moment
    I did not teach abstinence- I mean I let them know they should wait until it means something to them but I don't think teaching abstinence only works very well
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 12:49 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • I am with anon. They wouldn't have the impression that I am happy and proud of that decision, but I would be glad they weren't reproducing or swapping potentially infectious fluids.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 1:45 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • My oldest is 16 now and she does great in school, is in band and plays volleyball but she started dating her boyfriend almost 2 years ago, and I've had to deal with this. For alot of us it's really difficult to deal with in the beginning but not many kids are virgins on their wedding nights and I am now at the point that I'm just happy that they are being safe, with condoms and the nuva ring. I think that as our kids get older we have to learn to accept alot of their decisions as tough as that may be and love them and support them as they grow into adulthood. It also helps alot if you like and approve of their boyfriend / girlfriend.
    TeachMom41

    Answer by TeachMom41 at 1:47 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • I don't teach abstinence. I've always been open and honest with my kids about sex (my oldest is 6 and knows more than most teens I know) and I've told them that as long as they were doing it because they choose to do it, and not because they feel they are supposed to do it or because they are pressured to do it then I'm cool with it. I do, and will continue to, teach them about safety. And I will ask them (when it comes time) to make sure their partners are at least 16 (which is age of consent here) so that they don't end up with any charges... But otherwise, I don't see any issue with sex or teens having it.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 1:59 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • I don't know how I'd deal with the news (how I'd feel about it or what specific reactions I'd have.) I suspect my feelings would depend on the situation, and could vary, and essentially since we are the authors of our own feelings they would depend on factors in me, how well I'm managing my "stuff" & what sorts of things I'm telling myself.
    But...in terms of principles, I expect I'd deal with it by giving authentic feedback about my feelings, my opinions, my concerns, my preferences. And by recognizing my child's sovereignty (i.e., my feedback is intended to make an impression or to be heard, not to control him/her or intended as a rule to be obeyed.)
    This is really just a logical continuation or extension of the relationships we are cultivating now during their childhood: relationships founded on principles of equal dignity, where rather than exerting force or giving orders, we give honest personal feedback & make requests.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:54 PM on Feb. 19, 2012

  • Had one of my sons been having sex at 16 I would have been furious, safe or not. We taught our children that while sex is great, awesome and amazing that ONLY adults should have it. Birth control fails and no one should be having sex unless they are financially able to care for a child. We practiced what we taught to our children, we were married before we had children & we were able to financially provide for them. My sons are 20, 21, 24 and 25 and all 4 of them waited until they were 19 to have sex and none of them have children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Feb. 23, 2012

  • Yes, we teach abstainance til marriage.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 4:56 AM on Feb. 24, 2012

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