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husband talking about his old fling?

The other day my husband and I were talking and he started talking about this chick he was TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH before he met me... it sorta hurt! He was talking about her like he missed her and wanted to see her again and all this. Not friendly at all... totally an "I'm still in love with her" kinda thing.

I trust him, but it sorta hurt! How do you deal with that? I dn't wanna make a big deal out of it by fighting with him or telling him to shut up... but it totally sucked dude....

 
livn4hevn

Asked by livn4hevn at 2:44 AM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (622 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • Most men look back because they were 'young & cool' & that is what they are seeking when they do that. Most the time it isn't really the girl it is that feeling of youth that they want.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • WELL IT WAS BEFORE YOU I WOULDN'T WORRY UNLESS SHE LIVES IN THE SAME CITY IF SO DO YOU THINK HE HAS RUN INTO HER AGAIN ? I WOULD CHECK IS CELL PHONE FOR NEW NUMBERS OR HIS EMAIL TO BE SAFE !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • my SO is the same way ; he admitted to being ifactuated [ spelled wrong lol ] with his ex of four years ; he talked to her on the phone here and there and texted but than i made him stop when my name got involved with their conversations and he was bad mouthing or relationship to her ; not cool right? ..... there is no way to really deal with it ; i mean you can express to him how you feel about it but the feelings prob wont go away ; just let go ya kno ; its hard but dont stress about it. ; thats what i did; i just let it go and if he decides to do something behind my back or talk to her ; he isnt affecting me ; only his daughter.
    kwiseman19

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 3:20 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • He just needs to shut his hole!
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 6:24 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I wouldn't shut the door on the conversations. You can learn a lot about them by hearing tidbits of their past. I found out years in to our marriage that my hubby possibly has two children out there somewhere (they're grown now and were years before he met me) and now I worry that with me not knowing the kids names or their Mom's name that my kids will end up marrying relatives. The whole idea that my hubby might still love someone doesn't bother me, because I still care for people in my past but I'm not with them now and don't want to be but I do care for them.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:15 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Well at least he's not calling you by her name!! I was with my hubby for a year and a half before I left. The whole time we were together he called me Christy, my name is Tammy! I think it's ok for them to talk about their past, as long as they are not doing what mine did!
    Alwaysacarnie

    Answer by Alwaysacarnie at 7:25 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • it would suck for me to hear that too. On one hand, everyone has a past, and you don't want them to erase their memories (good or bad) once they're with you, but on the other you would kind of like to hear how he gets those feelings about you!! lol. Think about your own past though. My SO was my high school sweetheart but we went our own ways for college. During that time I dated someone I was HEAD OVER HEELS for...I thought that was really going to be it. We had a blast, a ton of my young, carefree memories were with him...we lived on the ocean and it was my first time out of the house...the bottom line is that we were two different people and when I wanted to settle down and have a family, he was NOT the person I needed to do that with. Our goals for life were too different. When it came to making a life with someone and sharing a lifelong love...that was meant for my SO and I to do together.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 7:49 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • We have a no ex rule... we avoid talking about them unless the other asks a question or something like that. The way I see it, is they are an ex for a reason. Ex as in use to be... past... it didn't work. But talking about them can definitely put some images in someones head and hurt some feelings. If I were you I would just tell him how it made you feel without being defensive about it. Just tell him calmly it made you feel real uncomfortable. It won't hurt to talk about it as long as you don't blame and do it calmly. :)

    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 8:10 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • My hubby and i have a rule... Whatever happen before we met on our blind date doesnt matter. I have a first love that he knows about and i talk about and he has a first love that he hates with a passion but still talks about. People have first loves for a reason. Its so when true love comes it means more then anything you could want. I sometimes think about my ex but we broke up on good terms. He is now engaged to a really nice girl and they are happy. He is happy for me! Just dont let it get to you. He is with you for a reason... :)
    BallardMomma

    Answer by BallardMomma at 8:23 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I totally understand how you feel. I would be devastated if my hubby were to do that! I remember when he and I first started dating, somehow the topic of sex came up and he oh so casually mentioned one of his sexual encounters (in pretty full detail), well, I got really quiet and he just looked at me asked me what was wrong and I simply told him "You're with ME now, so why in the hell would I want to hear about ANY of your sexual escapades with one of your ex's?" He quickly apologized and his ex's haven't ever been brought up again.
    Dark_Princess_2

    Answer by Dark_Princess_2 at 11:41 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

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