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Compulsive lying

I just want to start out by saying my fiancé is a good man. He doesn’t party and he wouldn’t hurt anybody. But sometimes he tells the strangest lies. Not usually about anything important just strange things like telling people he owns twenty dogs or telling some one he can get them a free calf. He has got a lot better, but he still tells some whoppers every now and then. I would say he is telling the truth about 80% of the time, but that doesn’t really matter because I don’t believe anything he says until he can prove it. It’s hard to live this way does any one have any suggestions?

 
Panopel

Asked by Panopel at 11:02 AM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (21 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It's a condition. He needs to seek some kind of help even if it's just self help. You can google the question "why do people lie about stupid things?" and get some ideas of how to help him with that. We have one friend that anything that comes out of his mouth but he is a really nice man, I just don't believe what he says.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:55 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • My sister can over exaggerate...and I never trust a word she says...
    It is very hard to ever trust a person like that..
    We do not have the relationship that I would like because of her actions.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:06 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • It depends really. Does he believe what hes saying or is he aware that hes lying when he says it? Theres a huge difference in regards to treatment is why I ask. People who lie about having 20 dogs and believe it suffer from delusions and or hallucinations. That means he can get help with those, and medication to stop them. If he is aware hes lying and laughing lets say by saying oh yeah I have 20 dogs then thats completely different.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:09 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • My husband has lied ever since i've known him.
    I've discovered no matter what I do he still does it.
    I've threatened, I've compromised, I've griped, I've left him...He won't quit.
    I really don't know what to tell you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • My brother does the same thing and it's pretty clearly a self esteem issue. But you can't tolerate this from your life partner. I would call him on this every time and if he can't or won't stop you'll need to seek counseling. You're right, you'll never be able to believe anything he says and there is no possible way to have closeness and intimacy unless you have trust.
    LoveIsCool

    Answer by LoveIsCool at 11:10 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • There is a difference in lying and exaggerating. What he is doing is making everything bigger than what it really is and saying things to people that are exaggerated. Does he actually tell you lies in your personal life or is it more exaggerating little things that he tells other people. Unfortunately a lot of people do this and they don't realize it. Has he told YOU an actual lie about what he was doing or has most of his things been bigger than what really is. I hope this makes sense. My husband can say there were "" millions of ants crawling around"" when there were only like 30
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 11:18 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Good men don't lie. Good men are honest to a fault, even when it puts them in a bad light. You think he tells the truth 80% of the time, but by your own admission, you can't tell when he is lying or telling the truth. You cannot have a marriage that will ever be worth anything if you can't believe your spouse. Trust is the very basis of marriage. I don't understand why you are still thinking this might even be a possibility. Character is the number one thing to check out in any perspective husband. Lying is one of the bigger red flags to warn that this is not a match.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:25 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • He is a great man. He takes good care of me and the children. He doesn't exaggerate he just lies. Everybody lies he just seems to get some emoitonal need met by doing it to an extreme. I wouldn't leave him if he over ate to meet an emotional need I'm not going to leave him for this. Everybody has bagage. He doesn't go out all night he goes to work everyday and he loves his family. I just wanted to know if anyone has had experience with this and has something work for them.
    Panopel

    Answer by Panopel at 11:44 AM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • There are good men who lie. Can you imagine a good man telling you that those pants DON"T make you look fat when they do? I agree about lying directly related to low self esteem and the need for attention. Some of the best storytellers in history have exaggerated or taken creative license on telling a story. So the 20 dog thing (to me) is just that, a story. I don't take offense to it. maybe he has ten dogs and can't see well and thinks it's twenty! Who knows? If he's a good man otherwise, let him tell his little stories. Just laugh when he tells them and ppl will think it's just free entertainment. He's like the men who fish and the fish was THIS big. Let him spin his yarns.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:19 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • it sounds like he has some security issues.. try being supportive and focus on making him feel good about himself, and tell him whats good, and that he doesn't have to lie for you to love him, or for him to make friends
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:18 PM on Jan. 19, 2009