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Over time, can you lose chemistry with someone? How does it happen?

I am no longer attracted to my husband of 8 years. He wants to show me everything he coughs up and he almost always has bad breath now. He has the stinkiest farts and the smelliest poop. He's angry a lot and when he tries to get fresh he uses a baby voice and acts all goofy. That does not turn me on. I plan on staying with him - we have an 18 month old and I would never want to hurt my husband so I want to know how I can get the chemistry back. He's so sensitive that whenever I make a suggestion he throws himself a pity party.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Jan. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • It's all in how you present the problem... if he talks like a baby when you try to talk to him, then talk to him like you would a small child. Men have pretty sensitive egos. I'm pretty direct about things in as sensitive way as I can and usually he gets it and appreciates that I tell him. When he coughs up something, I'd have to say "you know after all that morning sickness my stomach just can't take looking at that (mine really has never been the same since first bout of morning sickness and almost 11 years later it's still not working for me).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:34 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • Keep lots of gum close by... the kind that help clean the teeth and tell him he might want to try some (hey I'd want him to tell me).. if I'm doing something gross I'd hope someone would tell me long as they're not mean about it.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:37 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I didn't answer your question tho did I? Yea, most of us have lost it for a little while and we have to get out of the rut we're in and remember the good things about them. Have some fun, enjoy life again. With a little one I know it's hard and you're always tired but make some time for the two of you once in a while.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:39 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I bet if he knew how much it ment to you he would still want to talk about it. If he is sensitive about it he probably does care about what you think. Even if it hurts atleast he would know. My man throws pitty parties all the time, sometimes it makes me feel like a naggy bitch, but in the long run I'm still going to tell him how I feel. Try to get him to watch romantic movies with you maybe some of it will rub off.

    Answer by Panopel at 12:41 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I would be honest and up front about what is bothering you. The baby talk sounds like a big turn off and I would tell him to knock it off and act like an adult. The smelly factor is also a huge turn off. I'm sure that if you smelled gross, he would let you know, so you should let him know. How can you possibly get in the mood if his breath reeks? I think it would benefit the both of you to make time for yourselves and try to get out once in a while and do something together that you enjoyed doing before you were parents. I think the chemistry is probably still there, you just need to find it.

    Answer by alysmommy0909 at 12:59 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • try going out of your way to make a special night just for him... it will open him up some... by showing your feelings for him, then try to do little things, like put a spray airfreshener in the bathroom... drop little hints, but continue to be sweet and understanding... if he doesn't come around... try the cold shoulder.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:12 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

  • I think that you have just drifted. You should try to find what it was that attracted you to him all those years ago. Talk to him, tell him how you feel; if he sees that you are serious then he will be all the more willing to help put things back on track.
    Men are alot like children when it comes to this. You do need to address the situation as you would a child, small but direct sentences, letting him ask questions (even dumb ones), and show him what you mean.
    If this all doesn't work then maybe you need to take it to another level and see a counselor. Sometimes you just drift to far to make it back on your own. Thats nothing to be ashamed of.

    Answer by Tybaby07 at 1:19 PM on Jan. 19, 2009

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